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Grafted

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment
Oreo and little orphan Buck

If this image looks a little strange to you, it’s because it is. We raise a breed of goats that are called Boer (they are the ones with white bodies and red heads typically). However, we also have a handful of Lamancha dairy goats that we inherited with some of the Boers that we purchased a few years ago. Lamanchas are an interesting breed of goat because they are some of the most gentle, even tempered goats you will ever meet. The drawback is that they are ugly as sin because they have no ears and they are not really a market animal (which is what we are in the business for). Well, this particular black and white Lamancha, Oreo, is such a sweetheart. Unfortunately, she had a hard time giving birth to her very first baby last weekend and ended up delivering a stillborn, that my husband had to help pull. Rather than her finding out that her kid didn’t make it, I quickly grabbed my little bottle baby, Buck, so that we could try to graft him onto her.

Little Buck couldn’t even stand up for over a week after he was born

Let me give you a little back story. Buck was born a little over a month ago and was the runt of a set of triplets. He was not able to stand up and his mother really didn’t tend to him. After trying throughout the day, unsuccessfully, to get her to tend to him and get him to stand up, we finally decided to get him inside and get him warmed up and fed. Since that time he has been my little bottle baby. He lived in a small water trough inside our house for about 3 weeks so that I could feed him (forcefully to begin with) and treat a nasty eye infection. Over time he healed and started standing, walking, running, and finally got well enough that we couldn’t even keep him in his little makeshift pen because he would just jump out. So we moved him to a little pen out in the barn with the other goats.

Buck in his new home in the barn when we moved him out of the house

My goal has always been to get him a real goat mom, but I was unsuccessful trying to get his actual mom to take him back. Goats are funny about that. Once they abandon a kid, they will not take them back. So I went along just feeding him several times a day. That all changed a week ago when I finally had a mom that needed a baby.

It has taken the full week but the picture at the top was the very first time she was letting him nurse without me having to be in there with her. It is an amazing feeling (even if it is a goat) to see an orphan gain a mom. And that got me to thinking about a few things.

I realized that every single person who calls themselves a Christian is also an orphan that has been grafted into a new family. “But some of these branches from Abraham’s tree—some of the people of Israel—have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree.” Romans 11:17 NLT

Grafting is an interesting process in the plant world. It is essentially taking part of one plant and putting it with another to make it grow as one. As time goes on in the process, the plant being grafted on (called the cutting or scion) takes on the characteristics of the one it is being grafted too (called the rootstock). Grafting is not a simple, or painless, process. As a matter of fact it involves cutting, bandaging, and a lot of time. This is often done when a plant has rooted poorly, or not all, and would die otherwise.

WOW! Isn’t that an analogy for us? Our process of grafting into the family of God is not necessarily a painless one. Sometimes there are things that need to be cut away and lots of time for healing past wounds. Nonetheless, we are called Sons and Daughters of God. We have been adopted, but we are chosen as heirs to the very kingdom of God. “And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.” Romans 8:17 NLT

Did you catch that last little part? Yes, we are His children, but we are also not immune to suffering on this earth. So, while you go through the pains and frustrations that can come with your own grafting process, I want to encourage you with this: as you heal and are fully grafted, you will also grow closer to the source of life and with that you will also start to take on the characteristics of the rootstock. So no matter what you are going though, push through the pain and remember that you are already grafted and accepted just as you are.

But also remember this: just because you are accepted exactly as you are, that doesn’t mean God is going to leave you that way!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.” Psalm 51:10-12 ESV

Tough Days

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

Frazzled Mom Cartoon Clipart | Tired mom, Frazzled mom, Busy mom

We are living in a very strange time right now. I have to admit, I am a little bit of a hermit in my normal life (as much as is possible as a public school teacher surrounded by people all day). I cherish the moments I get alone with no one demanding of me, whether it is a high schooler needing help on a math problem, or my own 3 children. However, this is different. This “social distancing” isolation thing is not the same as me shutting my classroom door during the lunch period to get work done and have a few moments alone to listen to my podcasts. No, this world that we are in proves what God himself said in the very beginning, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him- a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.” Genesis 2:18 AMP

As humans, we need each other. We thrive when we are together and able to interact. On the other hand, when we are alone we tend to struggle. That is when depression and discouragement take hold. We need others to build us up.

Today was one of those tough days for me. I am fortunately not alone in my “social distancing”, I have my husband and 3 girls who keep me on my toes. However, I do miss the “outside” world. I miss my rare date nights going out with my husband. I miss having coworkers to talk to and joke around with without staring at a computer screen to do it. I miss going to the grocery store without feeling like you are in a war zone because everyone around you is wearing masks.

Today was one of those days where I looked around the house that I have cleaned 3 or 4 times already this week that looks like an explosion of crumbs, toys, shoes, and dirty laundry…again. It was a day that I have already done two loads of dishes, and probably need to do another. Today was a day where I should have been at church hugging friends and instead, I was stuck in the messy house staring at a screen pretending like it is the same thing. We all know it isn’t.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for the technology we do have to be able to interact virtually. As a matter of fact, I have loved getting to “attend” other churches in neighboring towns because of the fact that everyone is now live streaming their services. I have really enjoyed that. I also appreciate that I have the means to text or call someone. But like I said, it’s not the same.

So what’s the solution?

I have no idea. To be honest with you, I am only writing this because I felt like I am probably not the only one feeling the same way. I think that we all now realize how much we have taken human interaction for granted. I never valued the interruptions I had when I was trying to get work done at school like I do now. I also never valued how good it felt to go to a grocery store or restaurant without feeling like I may just be swimming in a sea of germs (even though we always have been, just never thought about it).

If nothing else, I hope that we all come out of this appreciating each other a little bit more. I know that even though my kiddos are messy, I do appreciate the fact that I get to experience more little moments with them, like today when my sweet 4 year old finally mastered pedalling a bike. I have also loved seeing them learn more about reptiles because of the lizard, horny toad, and frogs they have found while playing outside. There are definitely blessings coming out of this pandemic.

My prayer right now is for every lonely person whether they are surrounded by family or don’t have anyone else around. I pray for the depressed and the discouraged. Know that even in your loneliest moment, God is there.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

Time to Step it Up

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

Best Friends Forever Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images ...

Ladies, this one is for you. I have something on my mind, and have for a little while, it’s time to share it: We have got to do better!!!

Let me explain.

I want to flash back to junior high and high school for a minute. I remember back in those days so often preferring to hang out with “the guys” simply because girls can be so cruel. One minute we were best friends, and the next there was drama for one reason or another. I have already started seeing this happen with my second grade daughter. It’s heartbreaking when she comes home from school telling me that someone was mean to her and she was left out of a game on the playground.

I’m not sure what it is about females that causes us to be insecure, competitive, and sometimes downright mean. This shouldn’t be! After all, we are the nurturers. We should naturally be protective and encouraging of each other. We should believe the best about each other, unfortunately it is often just the opposite.

I absolutely love the story of Jonathan and David in 1 Samuel. Their friendship was unrivaled. It says in 1 Samuel 18:3 “Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.” Wow! Sign me up for that kind of friendship. I was re-reading the story of David and Jonathan the other night and I just couldn’t get over the selfless love they had for each other. They built each other up and encouraged each other, even though for Jonathan, it meant risking everything.

I have to admit, I am slightly jealous of my husband. He has never had a shortage of good friends. The thing about men, especially confident guys like my husband and most of the men he calls good friends, is they can just be relaxed and be themselves without comparison, judgement, or feeling like they have to portray themselves a certain way. I have some great female friends, but I can honestly say it has been years since I have had anything close to a “Jonathan/David” type of friendship. It seems like the older I get, the longer it takes us girls to tear down the walls between each other.

So what’s a girl to do? I want to issue a challenge that I myself have been try to do. I want to challenge every single woman who is reading this to go out of your way to encourage another woman. Whether that means speaking an encouraging word to someone, supporting a startup business, or even taking a younger woman under your wing, just do it! Be the friend that you want others to be to you! Use the idea of the golden rule: treat other women the way you want to be treated. Give the women you work with and do life with the benefit of the doubt.

When my husband and I first moved into the town where we live, 13 years ago, we had several couples in our church who took us in. We had no family in town, and really didn’t know anyone, but the people who poured into us then made so much of a difference. Be that person. Be the friend you wish others would be to you. Be the person to welcome someone new. Be the one to believe the best. Be the person to spread good news, and not rumors. Be the one to encourage another woman when she is trying something new. Be the one to build another woman up!!!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Every Rose Has It’s Thorns

/ bekoepke / 1 Comment

Image result for I thank thee for the roses, help me to thank thee for the thorns

If you have read very much of my writing, you will likely know that one of my biggest pet peeves is ungratefulness. It drives me absolutely insane when people don’t say thank you when someone does something for them, goes out of their way to help them, or perhaps when they have been given a gift. Although it is a challenge a lot of the time, I am trying very hard to teach my girls to always say thank you (not always successfully, I might add), and I think that adults should do the same. That being said, my own hypocrisy kicks in sometimes and I don’t always thank people when I should. Toward the end of last year I made a goal of trying to be more thankful. I thought I would give a little update on how that has been going.

Rejoice always, pray continually,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  I Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

That verse has always been a little convicting to me. Always, continually, and in all circumstances. That’s a lot. Especially the part about giving thanks in all circumstances. I want so badly to edit that one word and change it to give thanks in good circumstances. This has been a tough school year so far in my household. I have a group of students that seem to struggle a little more than most years with being able to pass tests, which is creating a little extra stress in my world trying to find creative ways to get through to them. My girls are getting older and have more going on as far as homework and school activities, which is keeping us a little busier. My husband is a principal, and he has dealt with some challenging situations of his own throughout the year. When we are deep in the trenches of everyday life, that whole concept of give thanks in all circumstances can be pretty tough. It’s tough to say thanks when things are going wrong.

However, in the same way I get irritated when people are ungrateful, how much more must God get frustrated when we aren’t thankful. King David probably didn’t feel much like thanking God for the lion or the bear attacking his sheep, but those battles are exactly what prepared him for the battle against Goliath. What if these frustrating moments are the exact things we should be giving thanks for?

I have tried to make a point to thank the people in my life that I really felt compelled to thank. Over the last 2 months I have written several thank you notes that were probably way overdue. As I write this, I remembered one other person who really needs to be thanked for their hard work (I will make sure that happens this week). As I think about how to carry this challenge forward, I can’t help but think about how easy it is for me to say thank you when something is benefitting me, but when it is flipped and things are not going as planned, I have such a hard time being grateful. So that is where I am going to try and focus going forward. I want to be better at giving thanks in all circumstances.

George Matheson once said in one of his more well-know sermons, “My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorn. I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but not once for my thorn.” I have that same problem. I can be so thankful for the blessings, but have a hard time being thankful during life’s frustrations. Lord, help me to thank thee for my thorn!

When I started writing my book Finding God in the Wilderness, I was able to look back and see how those thorny situations that felt like a wilderness, were really leading me to the next phase of promised land. Looking back, it is often easier to see the blessings in the challenges. I don’t want to have to wait though. I want to learn how to be more thankful during the challenge. I want to walk into my classroom and thank God for giving me the students that He did. I want to wake up every morning thanking God for strong willed girls. I want to know that anything I go though is growing me into the person God is calling me to be.

Let’s all start this new year learning more every day how to “thank Thee for the thorns”.

 

 

A Dozen Years Later…

/ bekoepke

I am going to take a moment and brag on my husband for a little while. I blog a lot about my kiddos, motherhood, and faith, but I don’t blog a whole lot about my husband. He really is an amazing man, so I thought it was about time to share a little about him as well as a bit of our backstory.

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Just as a little background, we grew up 19 miles apart. Our lives were intertwined in so many ways, but we never actually met until we were 3 hours and a state away from home in college at the University of Wyoming (Go Pokes!!!). We met for the first time briefly during my Junior year of college. I didn’t cross paths with him again until the next school year when we were reintroduced on the university shotgun team (oh yeah, I don’t know if I ever mentioned how much I love to shoot). I looked forward to each week when we would go shoot, because he often had to buy me a meal afterward when he lost a bet thinking he could out shoot me.

We loved shooting on our university shotgun team!

Fast forward a few months and I awkwardly asked him if he would take me to my sorority formal over email, because I had no other way of contacting him. I wasn’t even sure if he actually checked his emails because at that time email was something you might look at once a week. Much to my surprise, he called me within the hour and said he would go. Being a good guy, he asked me if he could take me out to dinner the night before the formal. I found out much later that he had been half-heartedly dating another girl in my sorority, and when he got my email he immediately broke off that relationship (that may, or may not have caused a bit of drama within the sorority over the next few months).

All dressed up for my sorority formal

From that first date on, we were absolutely inseparable and the best of friends. The thing that I appreciated and respected so much about him was how honest he was, he was never fake with me. He didn’t try to act like someone he wasn’t. He is still that way. Love him or hate him, people cannot argue with the fact that he is one of the most honest people you will ever meet. Six months after we graduated we were engaged, five months after that we were married. We have now been married for about 12 1/2 years. I have learned so much in that time, I thought I would share some of what I have learned so far.

Something that is vital and that has not ever changed, is the foundation of our relationship. Before we even started dating, we had a very long conversation about our faith and our end goals. I made it very clear to him that I was not like most girls, and that at the stage of life we were both in, I wasn’t interested in just dating to date, after all, I was just about to enter my final semester of my senior year of college. We made a priority of our faith and that has been such a blessing over the years. It has been especially important during the difficult times.

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Our Engagement Photo

When the newlywed stage wears off and real life hits, that foundation is paramount. Faith is all you really have when you hit hard times like job layoffs, tight finances, or just simple exhaustion during the throws of raising children. I can’t imagine trying to raise our children together, if our faith was not the same. I also can’t imagine getting through some of the tough times we have been through without our faith. There have been so many times that all we could do was press in and pray together that God would guide our path. I thank God that we are able to do that together. I am also so thankful that finding someone who shared my faith was always a non-negotiable for me, even as a teenager. As I think back, it took a lot of nerve for me, on our first real date, to lay it all out there and tell him exactly where I was in my faith and that I was not willing to date someone I couldn’t share that with. However, I am so glad I did. I never had to be fake with him. I could be, and still can be, exactly who God made me to be without fear of him not appreciating me following my God-given dreams. I pray all three of my girls will find that same kind of foundation in the young men that they choose to marry someday.

Secondary to being on the same page in our faith, flexibility is extremely important. I remember when we first got married and all the “plans” we made. The 1 year, 5 year, and 10 year plans. None of it has happened exactly like we planned, however, we keep dreaming together. Every decision or investment that we have made has been a group effort, but we have had to learn that it is okay for plans to change. Jobs, have changed, living situations have changed, our family has grown, and we have gotten older. One thing that has never changed, regardless of the season of life we are in is that we make flexible goals together.

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My dear husband is now the Principal of a K-12 school, so we still get to go to prom!

As we have gotten older, we have really been able to have fun with that. We no longer make hard goals with strict deadlines that will likely never happen like we planned. Instead, we changed our plans and goals into dreams. We dream together of what can be. We talk about what steps we can take to make those dreams come true. Now, don’t get me wrong, all of our dreams are not exactly the same. He and I both have separate dreams that have yet to come true. But we are able, through the process, to try our best to support each other in the pursuit of our dreams, in hopes that one day soon, those dreams will actually come to fruition.

Humor is the final piece of the puzzle I want to address. I honestly don’t know how anyone can stay married without it. There is something so valuable about being able to laugh together. My husband has always been the funny guy, and I love that. Even when I am fuming mad, he is always able to bring a little humor in to defuse the situation. In his current job as Principal, he has to be able to laugh, or he might just cry when he has to deal with some of the things that comes across his desk. When life gets hard and you are in the middle of the stinking dirty here and now, that isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, you must be able to smile together.

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Always the funny guy, we had a blast representing our team at the national shooting competition!

I don’t want you to think that every moment of every day is a perfect cinderella story. We have our fair share of frustrations, exhausting moments, and struggles. We fight and gripe at each other. We come to points in our more heated discussions ,where we have to just agree to disagree. We are both stubborn, and strong willed. There are definitely clashes of the titans from time to time. Through it all though, those tough times have made us stronger as a couple.

Although it was fun, I would not want to go back to those newlywed days. I love where we are today. I am more comfortable in my own skin that I ever was when I first got married. The scars we have earned through the ups and downs in the last 12 1/2 years of marriage, and 14 years of relationship, have made us who we are today. I use to try so hard to please everyone, only succeeding in making myself miserable and pleasing no one along the way. Now, I realize that if I have to work hard to please people, those people probably don’t really have my best interests at heart. If I have to convince someone to love, appreciate, or be proud of me, their opinion of me really shouldn’t impact how I live my life. Instead, I need to spend more of my energy pleasing God and following his plans for my future, not simply doing what I feel like others expect me to do.

I leave you with the verse we chose for our wedding. I still love this verse today, and think that we could all benefit from living this way.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

Our family sure has grown over the years!

Game Review: The Rank Game

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

I absolutely love to play games. Now that I am an adult, I don’t play them as much as I use to, but when I do I always have a good time. I was super excited when the opportunity to review a game came across my email feed. When I received it in the mail, even the wrapping was fun, with a sticker set up just like the game cards.

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I was pretty excited so I roped my husband to play it with me that night. The way the game works is pretty simple. Each card has a prompt and 4 options that one player will rank in order of their own preference. The other player, or players, try to guess the correct order. There is a point system so that after 10 rounds there will be a winner. It was a lot of fun to play. There are several categories of questions, and even options for expansion kits. I played a prototype game, so I had a small sampling of questions from each category. However, the actual game will include 150 different cards from all the different categories.

We had a lot of fun trying to figure out how each other would rank the cards. On one particular card, about swimwear, my husband wanted to make sure that it wasn’t going to get him in trouble. We had some good laughs over some of the cards, and actually learned a few things about each other that after 12 years of marriage, had never come up in conversation. Sadly, I lost by two points, but we did have a good time playing.

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I think that this would be a great game for a date night, family game night, or a group of friends. It worked for my husband and I to play with just the two of us, but there are also variations that you can play in a group.

To learn more about the game you can check it out at http://www.therankgame.com. You can also find out more about them on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter by searching for @therankgame. If you are interested in backing this grassroots game, go to their Kickstarter page here. If you would like to enter to win your own copy of the full game, you can enter here.

Take the Challenge

/ bekoepke / 1 Comment

November is often the time of year that people start gearing up for the holidays. Social media often blows up with daily posts of things you are thankful for or countdowns to Thanksgiving or Christmas. It is the time of year that often gets pretty busy. Between school programs, church activities, and family get togethers, we can find ourselves overwhelmed and exhausted. It is also the time of year that things that should bring us joy, often bog us down, cause frustration, or even depression. You find that you can’t please everyone, so your attitude may not be great toward the very people you love enough to try to please.

Maybe this blog post is just for me, however, I have a sneaking suspicion that there are many of you that deal with the same thing I do. There are several of us who find that the magic and joy of the holiday season can sometimes be snuffed out when there are too many things demanded of us. Sure, we love the joy of the holidays and the smiles on our kids’ faces, but we also think about the amount of energy required to clean up that house, shop for the groceries, cook all the needed food, and travel to all the destinations. We also think about the mess after all the fun happens. It can be overwhelming for a busy mom. It can steal our gratitude and joy.

I absolutely don’t have the answers today. Instead, I have a challenge. One of the recurring themes in my current life has been Sabbath rest. I wrote a blog a little while ago dealing with what that means (you can read it here). I have been challenging myself to be better about taking true Sabbath rest. However, I want to add a little bit to that challenge for all of us from now until the New year. Let’s make a goal of focusing on what we are grateful for during that Sabbath time. Maybe that means writing things down, or maybe sending a note to someone. Possibly being grateful could just be making a conscience decision to not complain. Whatever it is, commit to doing that thing for the next month and a half.

There are so many scientific studies that have proven the health benefits of gratitude and positivity. Some of these include better sleep, lower anxiety, increased mood, less feeling of burnout, just to name of few (here is a great article about health benefits). There is also a lot of brain research that shows that when we are grateful, our brain gets a flood of dopamine, that feel good hormone that so many of us nursing moms would experience when we had newborns.

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So, what’s your plan? How are you going to attack this gratitude thing? I think I am going to do a combination of writing down things I am grateful for, along with maybe writing a few well overdue thank you notes. If you have other amazing ideas I would love to hear them! Maybe I will try those out too!

Thank you to everyone who reads these blogs! I pray that the message will be received on fertile soil and that we can all grow in this area together! Let me know what you plan on doing to increase your gratitude.

In every situation [no matter what the circumstances] be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Time For A Break!!!

/ bekoepke / 1 Comment

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We live in a crazy world. Our lives in the United States are lived at a fast pace and sometimes we just can’t keep up. As a mom, I struggle with this. I struggle balancing our fast-paced lives with slowing down enough to enjoy the moments. When I am stressed out I often find it easy to snap at my husband or my kids. I also find it easy to wish that my kids were just a little older, or wish it was a different phase of life. When I find myself doing that, it is an obvious sign that things are out of balance.

I recently heard someone say that marriage teaches you how selfish you are, while having kids teaches you how angry you can be. Such a true statement. Those selfish, angry parts often come out during those stressed out times of life.  When your emotional tank is empty and you are exhausted from a full day of working or keeping a household going, it’s easy to fall into frustration and take that frustration out on the people closest to you.

There has been a theme lately in the teachings I have been listening to and the books I have been reading, about the importance of rest in our lives. Specifically the importance of Sabbath rest. The 4th commandment is the one that addresses the Sabbath:

8 “Remember the Sabbath (seventh) day to keep it holy (set apart, dedicated to God). 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath [a day of rest dedicated] to the Lord your God; on that day you shall not do any work, you or your son, or your daughter, or your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock or the temporary resident (foreigner) who stays within your [city] gates. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and everything that is in them, and He rested (ceased) on the seventh day. That is why the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy [that is, set it apart for His purposes]. Exodus 20:8-11 Amplified Version.

The ironic thing about the 10 Commandments is that we, as Christians, tend to follow a 90% rule. We have no problem agreeing with the fact that we should not murder or lie or steal our neighbor’s wife. However, when it comes to the whole Sabbath thing, we tend to think that it is an “old covenant” concept and isn’t for today or we simply don’t realize how important it is to God. Do you realize that this commandment is the longest of all ten and goes into the most detail about how exactly to follow it? It is also one of only 4 of the 10 commandments that carried the option of the death penalty if it was violated (the others being murder, adultery, and chronic child rebellion). Now, before I go any further, I want to make it clear that legalism is 100% not the answer. Even Jesus himself rebuked legalism when it comes to the Sabbath (see Mark 2:23-27).

The idea of Sabbath is made for us. It is for our benefit. God saw such importance in the concept of the Sabbath that he started the whole thing at the creation (see Genesis 2). He is God, He didn’t need to rest, but He chose to rest. He chose to pause and just enjoy His creation. The same is true of us. He could have created us not to need rest, however, our bodies require rest. We are not created to operate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is incredibly hard to even hear from God if we do not have real rest on a regular basis. I know even in my own life, digging into scripture is exceptionally hard to do when I am physically or mentally exhausted. I’m sure you are probably the same way.

   Sometimes we need to remove ourselves temporarily from the hustle of our lives to re-center ourselves on what is really important. Jesus did it all the time. He spent so much of his time ministering that sometimes he would just remove himself and go off to pray. How many of us do that? For so many of us, even our vacations have an agenda. We feel like we are lazy or wasting time if we don’t have every second of our lives filled. Whether it is our jobs, our kids’ activities, or even things like ministry, we fill every moment. Maybe we all need to step back and just rest. Jesus himself told us to come to him when we are burdened and heavy laden, and he will give us rest (Matthew 11:28-30).

    For God to have put the Sabbath into the 10 commandments, He knew that we desperately needed it. He knew that giving it as a suggestion was not going to work. It had to be a part of His top 10. Sadly, even the Israelites who received these laws after watching Moses on the mountain top had a hard time with this one. For the Israelites, and for us, it often is due to a lack of faith that everything will be okay if we just take a break.

   I am just going to be honest and say that sometimes for me it is a combination of a lack of preparedness or even a lack of proper boundaries. For instance, If I don’t get everything done I wanted to on Saturday, it often flows into Sunday. Or I sometimes find myself doing my school work on a Sunday afternoon or responding to work related emails because I have not established those boundaries in my own life. We feel awkward if we tell someone to not expect a response on a Sunday. 

   Now, back to legalism; I DO NOT think we need to be legalistic about this. If that was the case, I would say that we need to honor the traditional Jewish Sabbath that starts at sundown Friday and ends at sundown Saturday. Honestly I don’t think that the day of the week matters as long as we honor 1 day out of 7. Maybe you have a job where you do work on Sunday but have days off at other points of the week. Have a Tuesday Sabbath! We live under grace, but I do believe that the closer we are following what God has ordained, the more of a full life we will live.

I hope that this coming week you will have the opportunity to take a true Sabbath and really enjoy the blessing of a day of rest!

It’s Different For Girls

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

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It’s been a while since I wrote a more personal blog specifically about my own experiences with motherhood, but after a conversation I had with my husband a while back, I thought it was time.

This particular conversation happened on a date night that, until about the last six months, has been a pretty rare thing. (When you live a ways away from family and have young children, dates are rare luxuries. Fortunately our girls are finally old enough it’s easier to get away for a few hours now). I was explaining to him some of the struggles I have from time to time with feeling lonely in my role as a mom. Now, this loneliness is not because he doesn’t help or isn’t around. Rather, it is more due to the lack of close, intimate, female friendships that I have at this stage of life. I explained that women, especially once we become mothers, have very different life experiences than our male counterparts when it comes to how we relate to each other and even how friendships look. I thought I would share some of the differences I see, in hopes that other mommas out there might find a little relief knowing we are all in this together. As a disclaimer, this is in no means intended to bash on women or children, but rather to explain some of the differences in hopes of shining light in dark areas of our human experience.

Freedom

As a mom, especially when children are very little, we often find ourselves not having freedom to just pick up and do whatever we want. When you have a newborn and are nursing a baby, you can’t be away from the baby (or the pump) for more than a couple of hours at a time. You are tethered to that child and no matter how helpful dad is, it isn’t the same as what you as a mom experience. Even after nursing ends, kids have a special bond with their mom, that can make it difficult to have the freedom to get time to yourself or get time to spend with friends. When my girls were really little I couldn’t do anything, including hauling trash outside, without someone tagging along, or having a meltdown if they couldn’t. I have actually had to sneak out of my own house on occasion when I did have to leave the house without my girls. My husband, on the other hand, can come and go as he pleases without inciting a major meltdown.

It’s different for girls.

Having a night out

My husband is really good about being willing to take care of the girls so that I can do what I need to do. During the conversation I mentioned earlier, he even told me that anytime I need a girls’ night with friends, to go for it. However, I explained to him that the problem isn’t so much the freedom to go as it is having people to go with. At this phase of life we are all either in the same boat of chaotic schedules with kids and it’s impossible to get our schedules to line up, or they don’t have kids and are in a completely different realm of life where needing to be home at a decent time doesn’t yet exist. It’s funny watching all the movies with the moms going on a girls’ night out because I know so few moms that actually ever do that. Especially moms like me who moved into town after all the friendship groups were already created.

It’s different for girls.

Walls

Beyond any logistical issues that may arise with friendships in the throws of motherhood, is probably the most difficult barrier to overcome; the walls that we as females put up, and often tend to live behind. I remember when my husband was coaching football and how all the men formed a brotherhood. They were a tight group that could poke at each other and still be best friends. They were all pretty confident guys who, for the most part, never felt the need to impress anyone. They were real with each other. As a coach’s wife, all of us women were together an awful lot as well. Although I always got along with everyone, the dynamics among the women were completely different.

Women are so much more guarded with each other than men are. It is often so hard to get to know another woman on anything more than surface level without years of relationship to slowly tear down those walls. We also tend to feel a sense of competition among each other. As a coach’s wife I often felt like I was looked at as less than when my husband coached at the junior high level, but was more of the group when he moved up to the high school. I know that it was never intentional, but women can be cruel without ever realizing it. We as women also feel like we need to show only our best selves, which hinders real, authentic relationships. Social media has only amplified that problem over the last 10 years. Women like to hide their flaws, while men often make fun of themselves for their flaws

It’s different for girls.

So what can we do? Honestly, I really don’t have an answer for that. I don’t think there is an easy solution. However, I really want to challenge women like me (and including me) to try to let your guard down a little. I know that so many of us have been wounded by friends in the past when we got too real and vulnerable (myself included). Yet, we will never have an authentic relationship if we ourselves can’t be authentic. Get to know those other mommas! Be vulnerable about your struggles and shortcomings. And, for crying out loud, quit competing and comparing and lets start encouraging each other. Motherhood is the hardest, sweetest, most frustrating, rewarding thing I have ever experienced. Find someone to share your experiences with.

It’s different for girls, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.20190817_210037