We live in an incredibly cynical world. It doesn’t matter who you talk to or where you look, everyone seems to have an opinion about everyone else. Sadly, those opinions are often pretty negative. We, and this includes me, are so quick to speak and slow to listen. That is a travesty. That is the complete opposite of what the Bible teaches us. In James 1:19-20 (NLT )we are told this, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.”

We are called to make allowances for others. “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13 (NLT). That last part is what will get you. The Lord has forgiven you, no matter what your faults may be, so you must also forgive others. I believe that forgiveness also involves believing the best in others. God does not forgive us and then keep a suspicious, doubting eye on us. No, He forgives, forgets, and has nothing but good thoughts for our futures.“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'” Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT). He never holds a grudge for your past mistakes and definitely doesn’t work against you simply because he doesn’t like you. So why do we? Why is it that we struggle so much to find the good in others, appreciate our differences, and especially believe the best about each other? Of course, a big reason is because we live in a fallen world. Ever since the days of Cain and Abel, we as humans have chosen to go down the path of bitterness, jealousy, and hate rather than being genuinely happy or excited about the successes of others.

Now, it is easier said than done to change that mindset. I can easily sit behind a computer screen and say “be forgiving and make allowances for that person who hurt you”. Unfortunately, that lasts about 5 seconds before the memories of all the hurt they have caused us come flooding in. So how do we handle that? The disciples wondered the same thing. “Then Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No, not seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seventy times seven!'” Matthew 18:21-22 (NLT). I wanted to know a little more, so I dug into the original Greek word used for forgive, aphiémi. One of the definitions of this word is to let go and release. We tend to struggle with the whole concept of forgiveness, I know I certainly do. However, of all the definitions I looked at, none of them said that forgiveness means what the offender did is not wrong. Really, forgiveness is more for us than them as far as I can tell. When we release someone, that means they are no longer our responsibility. It releases us from the duty of judge, jury, and executioner.

Not all of our opinions of others are formed based on unforgiveness, yet, we often still have a hard time seeing and believing the best in others. We easily jump to conclusions about the motives of others and tend to shy away from giving the “benefit of a doubt” to each other. This is especially true among women (I only say that because I am one). We fall into competition, jealousy, and down-right mean heartedness far too often. I remember a job I had at one point where I actually quit going into the break room during lunch because every time I did I heard nothing but gossip and bad talk about other workers, including our boss. It’s an easy thing to get pulled into. I know I am far from innocent, especially when I was younger and just starting out. It is particularly prevalent when we don’t have all the information. For instance, if your boss has given you a new requirement and fails to explain the reasons, it takes no effort at all to think the boss doesn’t understand your job, is micromanaging, or possibly is just a moron. What we fail to recognize in moments like that is how important it is to give the same grace to others that we expect ourselves. I don’t know a single person who wouldn’t like to be given grace from others. So, maybe it’s time to extend it ourselves.

One of the most perspective-changing prayers I have been learning to pray over the past couple of years is “Lord, give me your eyes for this person”. It’s a tough prayer to say, because it is suddenly pretty hard to hate someone you are asking to see through God’s eyes. We are all here for a purpose, let’s make a conscience effort to support each other in that purpose, rather than tear each other down.

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT).