love

The One

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

I have noticed something lately that seems to be a theme all throughout scripture, but especially in the gospels. That theme is that God is always seeking out the individual. From the beginning, He chose to have a relationship with Adam, and then a little later with Eve. He sought out Noah, Joseph, Daniel, Moses, and David, just to name a few.

Sometimes, if you are anything like me, you might think of yourself as just a face in the crowd. Why would an all powerful, all knowing God, care about little, insignificant me? Oh, how wrong we are when we think of ourselves in that way. Think of some of the most impactful sermons you have heard. Often, those sermons are related to people who would have been thought of as lower class and worthless in the day that they lived in. For example, I have learned so many things from Joseph. He was a very insignificant person in his culture. He was the 11th out of 12 sons. He became a slave and a prisoner, even in our world those two things alone are enough to disqualify him in many of our circles of influence. Yet, God used him for mighty things (See starting in Genesis 37). Another person who was an outcast was the woman with the issue of blood. This woman wanted to remain anonymous, but Jesus wanted her faith to be known. This is a go-to story at women’s retreats everywhere. We all want that kind of faith. Her story is only a couple of verses and happens within the midst of another miracle but it is in 3 of the 4 gospels. (See Matthew 9:20-24, Mark 5:25-34, or Luke 8:43-48). We all know the parable of the lost sheep (See Matthew 18:10-14 or Luke 15:3-7). How many books, songs, and sermons have been penned around this parable? In that parable we are the sheep. It demonstrates how God (the shepherd) is willing to come after the one who has gone astray.

Those are just a couple of examples where God is willing to use people who are less than desirable or who have been lost, for His kingdom. Why are we any different? As an individual, we may not change the entire world, but maybe we can change the world for one person. As a teacher, that thought helps me through the hard days. Those days when I have fought culture in the form of cell phones, earbuds, distractions, defiance, laziness, or any other myriad of things a teenager may throw my way, I try to remember that. Maybe my entire job that day is simply to show that I can be loving when I don’t want to be. Maybe the same is true for you. Perhaps you aren’t called to be Billy Graham or Mother Teresa, but you are called to love your neighbors and pray for your enemies.

 “What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them.  And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Luke 12:6-7 NLT

We are not a face in the crowd to God. He has us exactly who we are, where we are, and exactly when we are, for a purpose. Our job is to seek out that purpose. We are not to be victims of our circumstance or waller in self pity from our past mistakes. Instead, we are to step out every single day seeking out what it is God has for us. I love how it is put in Esther 4:14 “If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” God will do His work, whether it is with you or without you. However, He has invited us in to be a part of it. Who knows what if you were made ___________________ for such a time as this?

A Better Resolution

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It’s the beginning of January! As we ring in a new year, it likely means that you have made some new year’s resolutions. As a matter of fact, we are already more than a week into 2022, you may have already given up on those resolutions by now. I stopped making resolutions years ago. I decided that if there is something I want to change, I don’t need to wait until a new year rolls around to do them. That being said, I might just change my mind this year.

The past 2 years have been crazy for most of us, myself included. I have rejoiced in the new births in my family, as well as grieved at the loss of family members way too soon. I have made new friends, and seen the loss of friends. I, just like you, have had times where I felt on top of the world, and times where I felt alone in a pit of despair. If I had to get real honest, 2022 has already started off a little difficult. Many of the issues of 2021 have found their way into this new year as well. I want this year to be different.

If you know me very well at all, you would know that I am a podcast gal. I listen to several different podcasts, primarily ones with a Christian leaning. I often listen to them while doing housework (it makes the mundane more tolerable). Yesterday, I was listening to a sermon and was struck with something that has now been working on me for the past 24 hours. This wasn’t a new message by any means. I have heard similar things from dozens of ministers in the past. However, there is something about the space I am living in right at this moment that made it hit me a little different. The pastor was talking about a well known verse, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV). “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.“

Like I said, not an unfamiliar verse. However, he pulled out a church camp move and talked about replacing the word love with your name. If you have never done that, please do. Fill in the blanks with your name: __________________ is patient, __________________ is kind. __________________ does not envy, __________________ does not boast, __________________ is not proud. __________________ does not dishonor others, __________________ is not self-seeking, __________________ is not easily angered, __________________keeps no record of wrongs. __________________ does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. __________________ always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If that doesn’t mess with you just a little (or massively), you are either perfect or lying to yourself.

Wow! Oh, how I fail miserably when I put myself in those verses. So, I want to make a better resolution this year. I want to allow God to change me from the ground up to better fit the mold of those verses. I want to be a more loving person this year. It isn’t easy. I struggle with so many of those, specifically keeping record of wrongs. When I, or someone I love, are betrayed, that’s hard to let go of. It is also hard to be patient and kind during stressful times.

As we cautiously enter this new year, let us set aside our self-serving ways, and really make our goal to learn to love others better. Jesus himself said it best when He said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34 NIV.

Book Review: Everybody Fights

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I am so excited to share with you the book “Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better At It?”

If you haven’t heard of Kim and Penn Holderness, it is likely because you have been living under a rock or possibly because you aren’t on social media. Whatever the case, you really need to check them out. They became social media sensations because of their funny and creative videos that poke fun at the normal everyday things of life. The best thing about their videos, is that they are family friendly, and often even include their own family.

I was incredibly excited to have the opportunity to review this book, and after having read it I was not disappointed. This is a marriage book unlike any that I have ever read (and I have read a lot of marriage books). Kim and Penn do not proclaim to be experts at marriage. However, they do get real and raw about things they have struggled with and how they have learned to fight better in the process. They use real life examples of fights they have had in their own marriage and after each of them shares from their own perspectives what happened in that fight, look through ways they could have communicated better. The advice they share throughout the book is a combination of things they have learned in the school of hard knocks, as well as things they have learned from their own marriage coach.

Throughout the book they go through so many practical topics that absolutely every single person who has been married for any period of time will go through. Kim also gets real and honest about her struggle with anxiety and depression and how that affects their marriage.

This is not an overtly religious book. There isn’t a Bible verse in every chapter. However, there is a sense of dedication to making a marriage work at all costs. There is also an emphasis on working together and learning to better understand each other that every single marriage could benefit from.

If you want to check it out for yourself you can do that in a couple of ways. First, you can watch this silly book trailer here. You can also download or listen to a free chapter and purchase your own copy here.

Tough Days

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Frazzled Mom Cartoon Clipart | Tired mom, Frazzled mom, Busy mom

We are living in a very strange time right now. I have to admit, I am a little bit of a hermit in my normal life (as much as is possible as a public school teacher surrounded by people all day). I cherish the moments I get alone with no one demanding of me, whether it is a high schooler needing help on a math problem, or my own 3 children. However, this is different. This “social distancing” isolation thing is not the same as me shutting my classroom door during the lunch period to get work done and have a few moments alone to listen to my podcasts. No, this world that we are in proves what God himself said in the very beginning, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him- a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.” Genesis 2:18 AMP

As humans, we need each other. We thrive when we are together and able to interact. On the other hand, when we are alone we tend to struggle. That is when depression and discouragement take hold. We need others to build us up.

Today was one of those tough days for me. I am fortunately not alone in my “social distancing”, I have my husband and 3 girls who keep me on my toes. However, I do miss the “outside” world. I miss my rare date nights going out with my husband. I miss having coworkers to talk to and joke around with without staring at a computer screen to do it. I miss going to the grocery store without feeling like you are in a war zone because everyone around you is wearing masks.

Today was one of those days where I looked around the house that I have cleaned 3 or 4 times already this week that looks like an explosion of crumbs, toys, shoes, and dirty laundry…again. It was a day that I have already done two loads of dishes, and probably need to do another. Today was a day where I should have been at church hugging friends and instead, I was stuck in the messy house staring at a screen pretending like it is the same thing. We all know it isn’t.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for the technology we do have to be able to interact virtually. As a matter of fact, I have loved getting to “attend” other churches in neighboring towns because of the fact that everyone is now live streaming their services. I have really enjoyed that. I also appreciate that I have the means to text or call someone. But like I said, it’s not the same.

So what’s the solution?

I have no idea. To be honest with you, I am only writing this because I felt like I am probably not the only one feeling the same way. I think that we all now realize how much we have taken human interaction for granted. I never valued the interruptions I had when I was trying to get work done at school like I do now. I also never valued how good it felt to go to a grocery store or restaurant without feeling like I may just be swimming in a sea of germs (even though we always have been, just never thought about it).

If nothing else, I hope that we all come out of this appreciating each other a little bit more. I know that even though my kiddos are messy, I do appreciate the fact that I get to experience more little moments with them, like today when my sweet 4 year old finally mastered pedalling a bike. I have also loved seeing them learn more about reptiles because of the lizard, horny toad, and frogs they have found while playing outside. There are definitely blessings coming out of this pandemic.

My prayer right now is for every lonely person whether they are surrounded by family or don’t have anyone else around. I pray for the depressed and the discouraged. Know that even in your loneliest moment, God is there.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

Time to Step it Up

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Best Friends Forever Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images ...

Ladies, this one is for you. I have something on my mind, and have for a little while, it’s time to share it: We have got to do better!!!

Let me explain.

I want to flash back to junior high and high school for a minute. I remember back in those days so often preferring to hang out with “the guys” simply because girls can be so cruel. One minute we were best friends, and the next there was drama for one reason or another. I have already started seeing this happen with my second grade daughter. It’s heartbreaking when she comes home from school telling me that someone was mean to her and she was left out of a game on the playground.

I’m not sure what it is about females that causes us to be insecure, competitive, and sometimes downright mean. This shouldn’t be! After all, we are the nurturers. We should naturally be protective and encouraging of each other. We should believe the best about each other, unfortunately it is often just the opposite.

I absolutely love the story of Jonathan and David in 1 Samuel. Their friendship was unrivaled. It says in 1 Samuel 18:3 “Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.” Wow! Sign me up for that kind of friendship. I was re-reading the story of David and Jonathan the other night and I just couldn’t get over the selfless love they had for each other. They built each other up and encouraged each other, even though for Jonathan, it meant risking everything.

I have to admit, I am slightly jealous of my husband. He has never had a shortage of good friends. The thing about men, especially confident guys like my husband and most of the men he calls good friends, is they can just be relaxed and be themselves without comparison, judgement, or feeling like they have to portray themselves a certain way. I have some great female friends, but I can honestly say it has been years since I have had anything close to a “Jonathan/David” type of friendship. It seems like the older I get, the longer it takes us girls to tear down the walls between each other.

So what’s a girl to do? I want to issue a challenge that I myself have been try to do. I want to challenge every single woman who is reading this to go out of your way to encourage another woman. Whether that means speaking an encouraging word to someone, supporting a startup business, or even taking a younger woman under your wing, just do it! Be the friend that you want others to be to you! Use the idea of the golden rule: treat other women the way you want to be treated. Give the women you work with and do life with the benefit of the doubt.

When my husband and I first moved into the town where we live, 13 years ago, we had several couples in our church who took us in. We had no family in town, and really didn’t know anyone, but the people who poured into us then made so much of a difference. Be that person. Be the friend you wish others would be to you. Be the person to welcome someone new. Be the one to believe the best. Be the person to spread good news, and not rumors. Be the one to encourage another woman when she is trying something new. Be the one to build another woman up!!!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Book Review: The Marriage Ark

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If you have been married for more than a day, it is pretty certain that you have encountered conflict in one form or another. It is inevitable for two people to live in a close relationship day in and day out without rubbing each other the wrong way from time to time. Regardless of whether you have been married in the past to someone else, have lived together, or have been dating for a long time, when you get married you enter a new level of relationship. This new relationship is one you enter with all the best intentions to make last, yet around 41% of 1st marriages end in divorce. I have yet to attend a wedding where the bride, or groom didn’t have all sorts of dreams about the future, none of which included divorce.

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In The Marriage Ark: Securing Your Marriage in a Sea of Uncertainty, author Margaret Phillips walks through how to build a strong marriage from 30+ years of experience as a licensed marriage and family therapist. She uses the story of Noah and the uncertainties he faced as an analogy for marriage. She really focuses on first the foundation of the marriage. She talks about how vital it is to look at things realistically, not in the technicolor glasses that so many people enter marriage with.

Throughout this short book, the author give some great advice about how to avoid major conflict before they start, especially for those who are not yet married. She also addresses how important it is to have the flexibility to withstand the natural twists and turns that you will encounter as a married couple. So many of us, myself included, enter marriage with the 20 year plan of how life is going to look. News flash: that twenty year plan rarely turns out exactly like you have it planned out. I know that from experience! 13 years into this marriage thing and my life looks much different than that wedding day plan. Different is not always bad though.

This is such a great book to add to your collection, whether you have been married 30 years, are engaged, or maybe just hope to get married someday. The author has so many practical tips to guide readers on how to deal with conflict, loss, and change. I really hope you will check this book out. If you would like a chance to win your own copy, please check out my Facebook page here.

Bible Review and Giveaway: Fresh Start Bible

/ bekoepke / 3 Comments

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If you are like practically every other person on the face of the planet, there have likely been times that you were in need of a fresh start. Maybe you messed something up so badly that that you can’t even bear to think about it without hanging your head in shame. Or perhaps you have been a “pretty good person” your whole life, and you are just feeling in a rut. Regardless of where you have been, we can all use a fresh start.

The start of a new year is always a great time to start fresh.  One great way to do that is by recommitting to read your Bible. Whether it is a formal plan or simply committing to a chapter or two every or maybe even just choosing a verse a week to focus on, I think it is important to find a fresh new way to ignite your faith.

I am so excited to share with you an amazing resource to do just that. Gateway Publishing has released the Fresh Start Bible (yes, they are associated with Gateway Church, Pastor Robert Morris is one of the contributors). This is an awesome resource for both brand new Christians, as well as those who really just need a fresh start. There are so many great articles about everything from the foundation of the faith, through some of the more controversial topics of our faith. There are also great introductions to each book of the Bible, in depth devotional content (and plans to follow for those),  and small articles to help give background all throughout the Bible. There are also so many great contributors to this Bible, along with Robert Morris, another widely recognizable one would be Jimmy Evans.

I love the resources that come along with this Bible. Check out this video to learn more.

 

I am so excited to give a way 2 copies of this new Bible. To enter to win please visit this page between 12/4/2020 and 12/12/2020. You can also enter to win through my Facebook page here.

A Dozen Years Later…

/ bekoepke

I am going to take a moment and brag on my husband for a little while. I blog a lot about my kiddos, motherhood, and faith, but I don’t blog a whole lot about my husband. He really is an amazing man, so I thought it was about time to share a little about him as well as a bit of our backstory.

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Just as a little background, we grew up 19 miles apart. Our lives were intertwined in so many ways, but we never actually met until we were 3 hours and a state away from home in college at the University of Wyoming (Go Pokes!!!). We met for the first time briefly during my Junior year of college. I didn’t cross paths with him again until the next school year when we were reintroduced on the university shotgun team (oh yeah, I don’t know if I ever mentioned how much I love to shoot). I looked forward to each week when we would go shoot, because he often had to buy me a meal afterward when he lost a bet thinking he could out shoot me.

We loved shooting on our university shotgun team!

Fast forward a few months and I awkwardly asked him if he would take me to my sorority formal over email, because I had no other way of contacting him. I wasn’t even sure if he actually checked his emails because at that time email was something you might look at once a week. Much to my surprise, he called me within the hour and said he would go. Being a good guy, he asked me if he could take me out to dinner the night before the formal. I found out much later that he had been half-heartedly dating another girl in my sorority, and when he got my email he immediately broke off that relationship (that may, or may not have caused a bit of drama within the sorority over the next few months).

All dressed up for my sorority formal

From that first date on, we were absolutely inseparable and the best of friends. The thing that I appreciated and respected so much about him was how honest he was, he was never fake with me. He didn’t try to act like someone he wasn’t. He is still that way. Love him or hate him, people cannot argue with the fact that he is one of the most honest people you will ever meet. Six months after we graduated we were engaged, five months after that we were married. We have now been married for about 12 1/2 years. I have learned so much in that time, I thought I would share some of what I have learned so far.

Something that is vital and that has not ever changed, is the foundation of our relationship. Before we even started dating, we had a very long conversation about our faith and our end goals. I made it very clear to him that I was not like most girls, and that at the stage of life we were both in, I wasn’t interested in just dating to date, after all, I was just about to enter my final semester of my senior year of college. We made a priority of our faith and that has been such a blessing over the years. It has been especially important during the difficult times.

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Our Engagement Photo

When the newlywed stage wears off and real life hits, that foundation is paramount. Faith is all you really have when you hit hard times like job layoffs, tight finances, or just simple exhaustion during the throws of raising children. I can’t imagine trying to raise our children together, if our faith was not the same. I also can’t imagine getting through some of the tough times we have been through without our faith. There have been so many times that all we could do was press in and pray together that God would guide our path. I thank God that we are able to do that together. I am also so thankful that finding someone who shared my faith was always a non-negotiable for me, even as a teenager. As I think back, it took a lot of nerve for me, on our first real date, to lay it all out there and tell him exactly where I was in my faith and that I was not willing to date someone I couldn’t share that with. However, I am so glad I did. I never had to be fake with him. I could be, and still can be, exactly who God made me to be without fear of him not appreciating me following my God-given dreams. I pray all three of my girls will find that same kind of foundation in the young men that they choose to marry someday.

Secondary to being on the same page in our faith, flexibility is extremely important. I remember when we first got married and all the “plans” we made. The 1 year, 5 year, and 10 year plans. None of it has happened exactly like we planned, however, we keep dreaming together. Every decision or investment that we have made has been a group effort, but we have had to learn that it is okay for plans to change. Jobs, have changed, living situations have changed, our family has grown, and we have gotten older. One thing that has never changed, regardless of the season of life we are in is that we make flexible goals together.

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My dear husband is now the Principal of a K-12 school, so we still get to go to prom!

As we have gotten older, we have really been able to have fun with that. We no longer make hard goals with strict deadlines that will likely never happen like we planned. Instead, we changed our plans and goals into dreams. We dream together of what can be. We talk about what steps we can take to make those dreams come true. Now, don’t get me wrong, all of our dreams are not exactly the same. He and I both have separate dreams that have yet to come true. But we are able, through the process, to try our best to support each other in the pursuit of our dreams, in hopes that one day soon, those dreams will actually come to fruition.

Humor is the final piece of the puzzle I want to address. I honestly don’t know how anyone can stay married without it. There is something so valuable about being able to laugh together. My husband has always been the funny guy, and I love that. Even when I am fuming mad, he is always able to bring a little humor in to defuse the situation. In his current job as Principal, he has to be able to laugh, or he might just cry when he has to deal with some of the things that comes across his desk. When life gets hard and you are in the middle of the stinking dirty here and now, that isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, you must be able to smile together.

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Always the funny guy, we had a blast representing our team at the national shooting competition!

I don’t want you to think that every moment of every day is a perfect cinderella story. We have our fair share of frustrations, exhausting moments, and struggles. We fight and gripe at each other. We come to points in our more heated discussions ,where we have to just agree to disagree. We are both stubborn, and strong willed. There are definitely clashes of the titans from time to time. Through it all though, those tough times have made us stronger as a couple.

Although it was fun, I would not want to go back to those newlywed days. I love where we are today. I am more comfortable in my own skin that I ever was when I first got married. The scars we have earned through the ups and downs in the last 12 1/2 years of marriage, and 14 years of relationship, have made us who we are today. I use to try so hard to please everyone, only succeeding in making myself miserable and pleasing no one along the way. Now, I realize that if I have to work hard to please people, those people probably don’t really have my best interests at heart. If I have to convince someone to love, appreciate, or be proud of me, their opinion of me really shouldn’t impact how I live my life. Instead, I need to spend more of my energy pleasing God and following his plans for my future, not simply doing what I feel like others expect me to do.

I leave you with the verse we chose for our wedding. I still love this verse today, and think that we could all benefit from living this way.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

Our family sure has grown over the years!

Book Review: How Great Is Our God

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If you have read much at all of my blog posts, you will know that I have 3 little girls. At the current moment my oldest is 7 1/2, middle is 5, and youngest is 3 1/2. Now that 2 out of the 3 are in school (and number 3 will start preschool next fall!!!), I feel like there have been a lot of changes as far as my role as mom. Fortunately, my girls typically all sleep through the night, say for a bad dream or tummy ache every now and then. We are also not in diapers any longer (praise the Lord!!!). We sure are full of questions though. My 2nd grader is a very smart girl and always wanting to know about the world. My younger two also follow suit. I even had to try my hardest to help my 3 year old understand what caused the electricity to go out so that her lamp wouldn’t work the other day when it was particularly windy, that was a challenge.

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That’s why I am particularly excited to introduce you to this new kids book by Louie Giglio called How Great is our God. This book is such an amazing resource for those questioning minds! There are 100 short devotions that all teach scientific information from a Biblical viewpoint. There are devotionals about nature, such as why is the sky blue and how do seeds work. There are some about the human body like how do you smell a rose and why do we hiccup. There seems to be a devotional about just about everything a young mind could come up with including space, time, Earth, weather, animals, plants, and the human body (just to name a few). img_20191112_073915_8

The best thing for us parents is that if we aren’t sure, there is even an index to look up the information we need.

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I really hope that if you have young kids, or even grandkids with curious minds, that you will check out this book. If you would like to enter to win a copy go here.

Please also take a look at this video:

How Great is our God

It’s Different For Girls

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It’s been a while since I wrote a more personal blog specifically about my own experiences with motherhood, but after a conversation I had with my husband a while back, I thought it was time.

This particular conversation happened on a date night that, until about the last six months, has been a pretty rare thing. (When you live a ways away from family and have young children, dates are rare luxuries. Fortunately our girls are finally old enough it’s easier to get away for a few hours now). I was explaining to him some of the struggles I have from time to time with feeling lonely in my role as a mom. Now, this loneliness is not because he doesn’t help or isn’t around. Rather, it is more due to the lack of close, intimate, female friendships that I have at this stage of life. I explained that women, especially once we become mothers, have very different life experiences than our male counterparts when it comes to how we relate to each other and even how friendships look. I thought I would share some of the differences I see, in hopes that other mommas out there might find a little relief knowing we are all in this together. As a disclaimer, this is in no means intended to bash on women or children, but rather to explain some of the differences in hopes of shining light in dark areas of our human experience.

Freedom

As a mom, especially when children are very little, we often find ourselves not having freedom to just pick up and do whatever we want. When you have a newborn and are nursing a baby, you can’t be away from the baby (or the pump) for more than a couple of hours at a time. You are tethered to that child and no matter how helpful dad is, it isn’t the same as what you as a mom experience. Even after nursing ends, kids have a special bond with their mom, that can make it difficult to have the freedom to get time to yourself or get time to spend with friends. When my girls were really little I couldn’t do anything, including hauling trash outside, without someone tagging along, or having a meltdown if they couldn’t. I have actually had to sneak out of my own house on occasion when I did have to leave the house without my girls. My husband, on the other hand, can come and go as he pleases without inciting a major meltdown.

It’s different for girls.

Having a night out

My husband is really good about being willing to take care of the girls so that I can do what I need to do. During the conversation I mentioned earlier, he even told me that anytime I need a girls’ night with friends, to go for it. However, I explained to him that the problem isn’t so much the freedom to go as it is having people to go with. At this phase of life we are all either in the same boat of chaotic schedules with kids and it’s impossible to get our schedules to line up, or they don’t have kids and are in a completely different realm of life where needing to be home at a decent time doesn’t yet exist. It’s funny watching all the movies with the moms going on a girls’ night out because I know so few moms that actually ever do that. Especially moms like me who moved into town after all the friendship groups were already created.

It’s different for girls.

Walls

Beyond any logistical issues that may arise with friendships in the throws of motherhood, is probably the most difficult barrier to overcome; the walls that we as females put up, and often tend to live behind. I remember when my husband was coaching football and how all the men formed a brotherhood. They were a tight group that could poke at each other and still be best friends. They were all pretty confident guys who, for the most part, never felt the need to impress anyone. They were real with each other. As a coach’s wife, all of us women were together an awful lot as well. Although I always got along with everyone, the dynamics among the women were completely different.

Women are so much more guarded with each other than men are. It is often so hard to get to know another woman on anything more than surface level without years of relationship to slowly tear down those walls. We also tend to feel a sense of competition among each other. As a coach’s wife I often felt like I was looked at as less than when my husband coached at the junior high level, but was more of the group when he moved up to the high school. I know that it was never intentional, but women can be cruel without ever realizing it. We as women also feel like we need to show only our best selves, which hinders real, authentic relationships. Social media has only amplified that problem over the last 10 years. Women like to hide their flaws, while men often make fun of themselves for their flaws

It’s different for girls.

So what can we do? Honestly, I really don’t have an answer for that. I don’t think there is an easy solution. However, I really want to challenge women like me (and including me) to try to let your guard down a little. I know that so many of us have been wounded by friends in the past when we got too real and vulnerable (myself included). Yet, we will never have an authentic relationship if we ourselves can’t be authentic. Get to know those other mommas! Be vulnerable about your struggles and shortcomings. And, for crying out loud, quit competing and comparing and lets start encouraging each other. Motherhood is the hardest, sweetest, most frustrating, rewarding thing I have ever experienced. Find someone to share your experiences with.

It’s different for girls, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.20190817_210037