stress

A Dozen Years Later…

/ bekoepke

I am going to take a moment and brag on my husband for a little while. I blog a lot about my kiddos, motherhood, and faith, but I don’t blog a whole lot about my husband. He really is an amazing man, so I thought it was about time to share a little about him as well as a bit of our backstory.

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Just as a little background, we grew up 19 miles apart. Our lives were intertwined in so many ways, but we never actually met until we were 3 hours and a state away from home in college at the University of Wyoming (Go Pokes!!!). We met for the first time briefly during my Junior year of college. I didn’t cross paths with him again until the next school year when we were reintroduced on the university shotgun team (oh yeah, I don’t know if I ever mentioned how much I love to shoot). I looked forward to each week when we would go shoot, because he often had to buy me a meal afterward when he lost a bet thinking he could out shoot me.

We loved shooting on our university shotgun team!

Fast forward a few months and I awkwardly asked him if he would take me to my sorority formal over email, because I had no other way of contacting him. I wasn’t even sure if he actually checked his emails because at that time email was something you might look at once a week. Much to my surprise, he called me within the hour and said he would go. Being a good guy, he asked me if he could take me out to dinner the night before the formal. I found out much later that he had been half-heartedly dating another girl in my sorority, and when he got my email he immediately broke off that relationship (that may, or may not have caused a bit of drama within the sorority over the next few months).

All dressed up for my sorority formal

From that first date on, we were absolutely inseparable and the best of friends. The thing that I appreciated and respected so much about him was how honest he was, he was never fake with me. He didn’t try to act like someone he wasn’t. He is still that way. Love him or hate him, people cannot argue with the fact that he is one of the most honest people you will ever meet. Six months after we graduated we were engaged, five months after that we were married. We have now been married for about 12 1/2 years. I have learned so much in that time, I thought I would share some of what I have learned so far.

Something that is vital and that has not ever changed, is the foundation of our relationship. Before we even started dating, we had a very long conversation about our faith and our end goals. I made it very clear to him that I was not like most girls, and that at the stage of life we were both in, I wasn’t interested in just dating to date, after all, I was just about to enter my final semester of my senior year of college. We made a priority of our faith and that has been such a blessing over the years. It has been especially important during the difficult times.

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Our Engagement Photo

When the newlywed stage wears off and real life hits, that foundation is paramount. Faith is all you really have when you hit hard times like job layoffs, tight finances, or just simple exhaustion during the throws of raising children. I can’t imagine trying to raise our children together, if our faith was not the same. I also can’t imagine getting through some of the tough times we have been through without our faith. There have been so many times that all we could do was press in and pray together that God would guide our path. I thank God that we are able to do that together. I am also so thankful that finding someone who shared my faith was always a non-negotiable for me, even as a teenager. As I think back, it took a lot of nerve for me, on our first real date, to lay it all out there and tell him exactly where I was in my faith and that I was not willing to date someone I couldn’t share that with. However, I am so glad I did. I never had to be fake with him. I could be, and still can be, exactly who God made me to be without fear of him not appreciating me following my God-given dreams. I pray all three of my girls will find that same kind of foundation in the young men that they choose to marry someday.

Secondary to being on the same page in our faith, flexibility is extremely important. I remember when we first got married and all the “plans” we made. The 1 year, 5 year, and 10 year plans. None of it has happened exactly like we planned, however, we keep dreaming together. Every decision or investment that we have made has been a group effort, but we have had to learn that it is okay for plans to change. Jobs, have changed, living situations have changed, our family has grown, and we have gotten older. One thing that has never changed, regardless of the season of life we are in is that we make flexible goals together.

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My dear husband is now the Principal of a K-12 school, so we still get to go to prom!

As we have gotten older, we have really been able to have fun with that. We no longer make hard goals with strict deadlines that will likely never happen like we planned. Instead, we changed our plans and goals into dreams. We dream together of what can be. We talk about what steps we can take to make those dreams come true. Now, don’t get me wrong, all of our dreams are not exactly the same. He and I both have separate dreams that have yet to come true. But we are able, through the process, to try our best to support each other in the pursuit of our dreams, in hopes that one day soon, those dreams will actually come to fruition.

Humor is the final piece of the puzzle I want to address. I honestly don’t know how anyone can stay married without it. There is something so valuable about being able to laugh together. My husband has always been the funny guy, and I love that. Even when I am fuming mad, he is always able to bring a little humor in to defuse the situation. In his current job as Principal, he has to be able to laugh, or he might just cry when he has to deal with some of the things that comes across his desk. When life gets hard and you are in the middle of the stinking dirty here and now, that isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, you must be able to smile together.

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Always the funny guy, we had a blast representing our team at the national shooting competition!

I don’t want you to think that every moment of every day is a perfect cinderella story. We have our fair share of frustrations, exhausting moments, and struggles. We fight and gripe at each other. We come to points in our more heated discussions ,where we have to just agree to disagree. We are both stubborn, and strong willed. There are definitely clashes of the titans from time to time. Through it all though, those tough times have made us stronger as a couple.

Although it was fun, I would not want to go back to those newlywed days. I love where we are today. I am more comfortable in my own skin that I ever was when I first got married. The scars we have earned through the ups and downs in the last 12 1/2 years of marriage, and 14 years of relationship, have made us who we are today. I use to try so hard to please everyone, only succeeding in making myself miserable and pleasing no one along the way. Now, I realize that if I have to work hard to please people, those people probably don’t really have my best interests at heart. If I have to convince someone to love, appreciate, or be proud of me, their opinion of me really shouldn’t impact how I live my life. Instead, I need to spend more of my energy pleasing God and following his plans for my future, not simply doing what I feel like others expect me to do.

I leave you with the verse we chose for our wedding. I still love this verse today, and think that we could all benefit from living this way.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

Our family sure has grown over the years!

Paradigm Shift: A Challenge Update

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

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A few days ago, I shared a gratitude challenge (see my blog post Take the Challenge).  I thought I would give a little update on how it is going for me so far.

Soooo, you know the saying “easier said than done”? Yeah, that’s me. It is so easy to talk about putting gratitude into practice on a regular basis. Actually doing it is a completely different thing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have put some of the things into practice. For example, I did write a few thank you notes, and made a point to thank others for things they had done to help me.

Then Saturday hit.

It’s a funny thing, Saturdays. As a young 20-something newlywed with no kids, I looked forward to my Saturdays. Saturday meant I could sleep in, watch a movie, go on a date, and pretty much do whatever I wanted. Then we had three kids. Sleeping in is a thing of the past because I have kids who like to rise early. Saturdays now mean massive amounts of laundry, dishes, and catching up on housework all while trying to keep kids from making more of a mess or massively slowing me down with all their needs. The gratitude train got a bit derailed on Saturday. Actually, in the spirit of being completely honest, that train hit a cliff and burned completely to the ground. I allowed myself to enter into a pretty negative space mentally. I started internally (and to get real honest, externally too) grumbling and complaining about all that needed to be done. By the end of the day, I was a complete grump and ungrateful to the core. I ended up going to bed pretty early just because I was exhausted. Truth be told, that’s what I really needed anyways, because for about the last 2 weeks, my 3 year old has come in during the middle of the night pretty much every night and I had been a bit sleep deprived because of it.

Now, I didn’t really realize how ungrateful I was being until Sunday morning rolled around. My church participates each year in Operation Christmas Child and my family always packs 3 girl boxes (because I have 3 girls). When I was getting the boxes ready to bring to church, my girls were looking at everything and wanting all of it. My middle child started to really complain and pitched a fit about wanting what was in those boxes. This momma lost her cool. I was appalled at how my kids were acting. I explained to them that these boxes were going to little kids who didn’t get Christmas gifts. I told them that a lot of the kids that receive the boxes are extremely poor and may not even have enough food. I felt like such a failure as a mom because of the entitled way my kids were acting.

That’s when it hit me. I had the conviction come down on me like a flood. I am the one who has taught them to not appreciate what they have. It is little wonder that they grumble when they have to clean up all their toys, when I have been their model. There is little wonder why they don’t appreciate all they have, when I don’t always show that appreciation myself. I have to have a paradigm shift to see that even though I do have lots of laundry and dishes to do, I am blessed to live in a place where I have machines to do the hard work for me. I have to realize that even though my kids make lots of messes, I have healthy, active kids who love to play. I also have to remember that even though I do have a lot of housework to do on the weekends, I have a home and don’t have to worry about where I will sleep each night.

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Learning how to see the pile of laundry as a blessing!

So, I am adding to my challenge after this weekend. I want to model gratitude for my girls. I want to show them what it is like to be thankful. I’m really not sure how I will do it, but I do know that it is so important to me that my girls learn from a young age to be thankful for what they have been given I think I will start by being more thankful to them when they do things to help each other and me.

So my question to you is how do you train up your children to be grateful? I would love some ideas from people who, like me, are in the trenches, as well as those of you who have made it through parenthood and are on the other side.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17 NIV

 

Book Review: Take The Day Off

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

I am extremely excited to share this book with you today. God works in mysterious ways, this book is proof of that. Over the last several months, I have really felt like I need to be better about observing a Sabbath day each week. One weekend in particular about a month ago, it was a bit chaotic. We were gone on Saturday, then Sunday rolled around and I ended up having to catch up on everything I missed doing earlier in the weekend; cleaning, dishes, washing a mountain range of laundry. The end of the weekend came and rather than being refreshed and ready for my week, I was frustrated and exhausted. The thought of the next day being Monday and back to the grind, was daunting. My attitude was not the best that week.

Then enter this book.

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The timing of getting this book in the mail could not have been more perfect. Two days after that insane weekend, this showed up in my mailbox (mind you, I didn’t know this one was coming, somehow missed that email). This book has changed my perspective the last couple of weeks.

I am a big Robert Morris fan. Our church just got done doing his teaching on The Blessed Life and I also listen to a podcast of his church (Gateway Church) on an almost weekly basis. I love the way he makes the truths of the Bible extremely practical and applicable. Take The Day Off is no exception to that. This book walks through the need for us to take a day off, not in a vacation sense, although those are good too, but in a Sabbath rest sense. Morris starts by walking through the commandment that we are given by God to take a Sabbath rest (see the 4th commandment in Exodus 20).

I want to encourage every single person who is reading this post to check this book out. This has been an amazing perspective shifting book for me. I have had a pretty stressful school year this year for some reason. It may be the combination of teaching more students that I have ever taught before, more of those students being English Language learners, or possible changes in testing that are causing me stress. Or it could be the fact that my girls are older now and have homework and more things going on at their school that has been wearing me out. It may be a little of all the above, but I know that my Sabbath rest has been out of whack this year. Reading this book has been a game changer for me. I am learning how to get myself more organized to be able to rest. I have learned that in order to truly take a day off, it must be a priority. I have also learned that with God, we can do more in 6 days than we can do without Him in 7.

If you want to pick up your own copy you can enter to win a copy here. If you can’t wait for the results of the giveaway, you order them here. You can also save 25% by entering the code TAKEOFF.

If you ever wondered about all of these book, video, and game reviews that I have done and wanted to possibly do some of your own, now is your chance. One of the companies that I work with is looking for more people to do reviews. You can find out more about the FaithWords Book Club here and join for free.

Take the Challenge

/ bekoepke / 1 Comment

November is often the time of year that people start gearing up for the holidays. Social media often blows up with daily posts of things you are thankful for or countdowns to Thanksgiving or Christmas. It is the time of year that often gets pretty busy. Between school programs, church activities, and family get togethers, we can find ourselves overwhelmed and exhausted. It is also the time of year that things that should bring us joy, often bog us down, cause frustration, or even depression. You find that you can’t please everyone, so your attitude may not be great toward the very people you love enough to try to please.

Maybe this blog post is just for me, however, I have a sneaking suspicion that there are many of you that deal with the same thing I do. There are several of us who find that the magic and joy of the holiday season can sometimes be snuffed out when there are too many things demanded of us. Sure, we love the joy of the holidays and the smiles on our kids’ faces, but we also think about the amount of energy required to clean up that house, shop for the groceries, cook all the needed food, and travel to all the destinations. We also think about the mess after all the fun happens. It can be overwhelming for a busy mom. It can steal our gratitude and joy.

I absolutely don’t have the answers today. Instead, I have a challenge. One of the recurring themes in my current life has been Sabbath rest. I wrote a blog a little while ago dealing with what that means (you can read it here). I have been challenging myself to be better about taking true Sabbath rest. However, I want to add a little bit to that challenge for all of us from now until the New year. Let’s make a goal of focusing on what we are grateful for during that Sabbath time. Maybe that means writing things down, or maybe sending a note to someone. Possibly being grateful could just be making a conscience decision to not complain. Whatever it is, commit to doing that thing for the next month and a half.

There are so many scientific studies that have proven the health benefits of gratitude and positivity. Some of these include better sleep, lower anxiety, increased mood, less feeling of burnout, just to name of few (here is a great article about health benefits). There is also a lot of brain research that shows that when we are grateful, our brain gets a flood of dopamine, that feel good hormone that so many of us nursing moms would experience when we had newborns.

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So, what’s your plan? How are you going to attack this gratitude thing? I think I am going to do a combination of writing down things I am grateful for, along with maybe writing a few well overdue thank you notes. If you have other amazing ideas I would love to hear them! Maybe I will try those out too!

Thank you to everyone who reads these blogs! I pray that the message will be received on fertile soil and that we can all grow in this area together! Let me know what you plan on doing to increase your gratitude.

In every situation [no matter what the circumstances] be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Time For A Break!!!

/ bekoepke / 1 Comment

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We live in a crazy world. Our lives in the United States are lived at a fast pace and sometimes we just can’t keep up. As a mom, I struggle with this. I struggle balancing our fast-paced lives with slowing down enough to enjoy the moments. When I am stressed out I often find it easy to snap at my husband or my kids. I also find it easy to wish that my kids were just a little older, or wish it was a different phase of life. When I find myself doing that, it is an obvious sign that things are out of balance.

I recently heard someone say that marriage teaches you how selfish you are, while having kids teaches you how angry you can be. Such a true statement. Those selfish, angry parts often come out during those stressed out times of life.  When your emotional tank is empty and you are exhausted from a full day of working or keeping a household going, it’s easy to fall into frustration and take that frustration out on the people closest to you.

There has been a theme lately in the teachings I have been listening to and the books I have been reading, about the importance of rest in our lives. Specifically the importance of Sabbath rest. The 4th commandment is the one that addresses the Sabbath:

8 “Remember the Sabbath (seventh) day to keep it holy (set apart, dedicated to God). 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath [a day of rest dedicated] to the Lord your God; on that day you shall not do any work, you or your son, or your daughter, or your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock or the temporary resident (foreigner) who stays within your [city] gates. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and everything that is in them, and He rested (ceased) on the seventh day. That is why the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy [that is, set it apart for His purposes]. Exodus 20:8-11 Amplified Version.

The ironic thing about the 10 Commandments is that we, as Christians, tend to follow a 90% rule. We have no problem agreeing with the fact that we should not murder or lie or steal our neighbor’s wife. However, when it comes to the whole Sabbath thing, we tend to think that it is an “old covenant” concept and isn’t for today or we simply don’t realize how important it is to God. Do you realize that this commandment is the longest of all ten and goes into the most detail about how exactly to follow it? It is also one of only 4 of the 10 commandments that carried the option of the death penalty if it was violated (the others being murder, adultery, and chronic child rebellion). Now, before I go any further, I want to make it clear that legalism is 100% not the answer. Even Jesus himself rebuked legalism when it comes to the Sabbath (see Mark 2:23-27).

The idea of Sabbath is made for us. It is for our benefit. God saw such importance in the concept of the Sabbath that he started the whole thing at the creation (see Genesis 2). He is God, He didn’t need to rest, but He chose to rest. He chose to pause and just enjoy His creation. The same is true of us. He could have created us not to need rest, however, our bodies require rest. We are not created to operate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is incredibly hard to even hear from God if we do not have real rest on a regular basis. I know even in my own life, digging into scripture is exceptionally hard to do when I am physically or mentally exhausted. I’m sure you are probably the same way.

   Sometimes we need to remove ourselves temporarily from the hustle of our lives to re-center ourselves on what is really important. Jesus did it all the time. He spent so much of his time ministering that sometimes he would just remove himself and go off to pray. How many of us do that? For so many of us, even our vacations have an agenda. We feel like we are lazy or wasting time if we don’t have every second of our lives filled. Whether it is our jobs, our kids’ activities, or even things like ministry, we fill every moment. Maybe we all need to step back and just rest. Jesus himself told us to come to him when we are burdened and heavy laden, and he will give us rest (Matthew 11:28-30).

    For God to have put the Sabbath into the 10 commandments, He knew that we desperately needed it. He knew that giving it as a suggestion was not going to work. It had to be a part of His top 10. Sadly, even the Israelites who received these laws after watching Moses on the mountain top had a hard time with this one. For the Israelites, and for us, it often is due to a lack of faith that everything will be okay if we just take a break.

   I am just going to be honest and say that sometimes for me it is a combination of a lack of preparedness or even a lack of proper boundaries. For instance, If I don’t get everything done I wanted to on Saturday, it often flows into Sunday. Or I sometimes find myself doing my school work on a Sunday afternoon or responding to work related emails because I have not established those boundaries in my own life. We feel awkward if we tell someone to not expect a response on a Sunday. 

   Now, back to legalism; I DO NOT think we need to be legalistic about this. If that was the case, I would say that we need to honor the traditional Jewish Sabbath that starts at sundown Friday and ends at sundown Saturday. Honestly I don’t think that the day of the week matters as long as we honor 1 day out of 7. Maybe you have a job where you do work on Sunday but have days off at other points of the week. Have a Tuesday Sabbath! We live under grace, but I do believe that the closer we are following what God has ordained, the more of a full life we will live.

I hope that this coming week you will have the opportunity to take a true Sabbath and really enjoy the blessing of a day of rest!

20-20 Vision Through the Rearview Mirror

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

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The end of August marked 10 full years since I had a major course correction in my life. Looking back now, it seems like an eternity ago. But in that moment, it was the most terrifying thing I had endured up until that point in my life. That moment was when I was laid off from a job I really enjoyed because the company was closing my location.

The whirlwind of emotions I experienced at that time were absolutely overwhelming. The most prevalent, of course, being fear. Fear of my immediate future, fear of the unknown, fear of failure. What was I going to do? Where would I work? What were my husband and my finances going to look like? We had only been married for 2 years at that time, and for a young 20 something who thought she had her life figured out, the thoughts of starting over can be a scary thing.

God is really amazing in the ways that he prepared us for this transition. I found out several months earlier that this was going to happen. At that time, I was even given the opportunity to stay with the company, if I was willing to move. However, we really did not want to move, so I took the option of being laid off. Because of the amount time we had between when I was informed it was going to happen, and when it actually happened, we were able to get some preparations made, mainly with our finances. We were able to make it so that we could live off of 1 paycheck (my husband’s teacher/coach wages) and my severance pay for a short while while I searched for another job.

Although I did have a little bit of notice, nothing could fully prepare me for the flood of emotions I would experience during that time. A sense of loss and, at times, depression, overtook me. The job I lost was one I planned on staying in for the long haul. I truly had to mourn the death of a dream. I also had to dig in deep to find a way to trust God through the process. It wasn’t easy, but that time frame in my life has forever marked me and has made me the person I am today.

Things are often a little more clear when you look back than when you are looking forward. So, what advice could I possibly share 10 years later? Well, it’s advice I still have to remind myself of over and over again; Trust God through the process. It’s easy to trust, in theory, but when you are in the midst of uncertainty, it’s a bit tougher. Even now, I struggle with that. I struggle with change when I’m comfortable, and struggle with waiting for a change when it is something I desire. It can be a double edged sword. One thing that I always hold onto is that God has a plan, whether or not we always see it. And it is a good plan.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

It’s Different For Girls

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

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It’s been a while since I wrote a more personal blog specifically about my own experiences with motherhood, but after a conversation I had with my husband a while back, I thought it was time.

This particular conversation happened on a date night that, until about the last six months, has been a pretty rare thing. (When you live a ways away from family and have young children, dates are rare luxuries. Fortunately our girls are finally old enough it’s easier to get away for a few hours now). I was explaining to him some of the struggles I have from time to time with feeling lonely in my role as a mom. Now, this loneliness is not because he doesn’t help or isn’t around. Rather, it is more due to the lack of close, intimate, female friendships that I have at this stage of life. I explained that women, especially once we become mothers, have very different life experiences than our male counterparts when it comes to how we relate to each other and even how friendships look. I thought I would share some of the differences I see, in hopes that other mommas out there might find a little relief knowing we are all in this together. As a disclaimer, this is in no means intended to bash on women or children, but rather to explain some of the differences in hopes of shining light in dark areas of our human experience.

Freedom

As a mom, especially when children are very little, we often find ourselves not having freedom to just pick up and do whatever we want. When you have a newborn and are nursing a baby, you can’t be away from the baby (or the pump) for more than a couple of hours at a time. You are tethered to that child and no matter how helpful dad is, it isn’t the same as what you as a mom experience. Even after nursing ends, kids have a special bond with their mom, that can make it difficult to have the freedom to get time to yourself or get time to spend with friends. When my girls were really little I couldn’t do anything, including hauling trash outside, without someone tagging along, or having a meltdown if they couldn’t. I have actually had to sneak out of my own house on occasion when I did have to leave the house without my girls. My husband, on the other hand, can come and go as he pleases without inciting a major meltdown.

It’s different for girls.

Having a night out

My husband is really good about being willing to take care of the girls so that I can do what I need to do. During the conversation I mentioned earlier, he even told me that anytime I need a girls’ night with friends, to go for it. However, I explained to him that the problem isn’t so much the freedom to go as it is having people to go with. At this phase of life we are all either in the same boat of chaotic schedules with kids and it’s impossible to get our schedules to line up, or they don’t have kids and are in a completely different realm of life where needing to be home at a decent time doesn’t yet exist. It’s funny watching all the movies with the moms going on a girls’ night out because I know so few moms that actually ever do that. Especially moms like me who moved into town after all the friendship groups were already created.

It’s different for girls.

Walls

Beyond any logistical issues that may arise with friendships in the throws of motherhood, is probably the most difficult barrier to overcome; the walls that we as females put up, and often tend to live behind. I remember when my husband was coaching football and how all the men formed a brotherhood. They were a tight group that could poke at each other and still be best friends. They were all pretty confident guys who, for the most part, never felt the need to impress anyone. They were real with each other. As a coach’s wife, all of us women were together an awful lot as well. Although I always got along with everyone, the dynamics among the women were completely different.

Women are so much more guarded with each other than men are. It is often so hard to get to know another woman on anything more than surface level without years of relationship to slowly tear down those walls. We also tend to feel a sense of competition among each other. As a coach’s wife I often felt like I was looked at as less than when my husband coached at the junior high level, but was more of the group when he moved up to the high school. I know that it was never intentional, but women can be cruel without ever realizing it. We as women also feel like we need to show only our best selves, which hinders real, authentic relationships. Social media has only amplified that problem over the last 10 years. Women like to hide their flaws, while men often make fun of themselves for their flaws

It’s different for girls.

So what can we do? Honestly, I really don’t have an answer for that. I don’t think there is an easy solution. However, I really want to challenge women like me (and including me) to try to let your guard down a little. I know that so many of us have been wounded by friends in the past when we got too real and vulnerable (myself included). Yet, we will never have an authentic relationship if we ourselves can’t be authentic. Get to know those other mommas! Be vulnerable about your struggles and shortcomings. And, for crying out loud, quit competing and comparing and lets start encouraging each other. Motherhood is the hardest, sweetest, most frustrating, rewarding thing I have ever experienced. Find someone to share your experiences with.

It’s different for girls, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.20190817_210037

Prepare the Soil

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

I love my garden. Each year, throughout the summer, I plant a decent size garden and this year was no exception. I absolutely love seeing my hard work come to fruition…literally. My 3 girls love eating the carrots, cucumbers, watermelons, and cantaloupes that they helped to plant. That being said, this has been an off year for my garden.  Not all of my seeds germinated, I had to re-seed some of what I planted, and a few of my plants even died. There are several reasons that this year’s garden has struggled, but I think the main reason was a bad decision we made in the process of preparing to plant. Of course, at the time we thought it was a right decision, boy were we wrong.

In preparation for our garden last year, we put a massive amount of fertilizer in with our soil in the tilling process. Because of how much we put in last year, my garden was a producing machine. I could hardly keep up with the amount of jalapenos, squash, and carrots. I actually wound up freezing or canning a lot of it because we couldn’t consume it fast enough. Fast forward to this year. While we were preparing we decided that we had added so much fertilizer last year that we were going to skip that this year, assuming that the soil was still pretty well fertilized. Big mistake. Now, don’t get me wrong, it has not been a complete failure, but it has definitely not lived up to the plan I had when I was preparing to plant.  It’s amazing how vitally important properly preparing soil is before you plant. Ask any farmer, they never just toss seeds out hoping they will grow an abundant crop.

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This picture was from earlier this summer. Unfortunately, not all my seeds came up this year.

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We did get some pretty delicious melons!

It’s the same with us.  God will never put us in a position we are not properly prepared for. There are so many instances throughout the Bible where men or women were called to do something, but it took years for it to come to fruition. David was told as a teenager that he would be king, but it took decades to come to pass (see 1 Samuel 16). Joseph had dreamed of his future as a leader, and he had to go through the prison to get there (see Genesis 37). Or, like Esther, we may be positioned somewhere without even knowing God placed us there for “just such a time as this” (see Esther 4:14).  It is often puzzling to us how we may feel called somewhere, but a door either won’t open, or perhaps what seems like a strange door does open and we are too fearful to step inside. Little do we know that during these slow, uncomfortable, or scary times, we are being prepared. We are learning during the wait. Just like it takes time to get from a seed to the harvest, we won’t typically be called to something one day, and functioning in that calling the next. Actually, if we make that jump to soon, it likely won’t work out. Just like how some of my plants died for lack of proper fertilizer.

My husband often says, “sometimes you have to pay your dues”, meaning you need to serve at a lower capacity before getting promoted or that you need to experience difficult or frustrating times before you get to the good times. Boy, do I get that. Honestly, I actually appreciate that more now that I have paid some of those dues through life experiences. I am so much more thankful for what I have today because of the things I have experienced and as tough as it is, I am going to trust God during those times when he is “preparing the soil” for the next season in my life!

Precise Placement

/ bekoepke / 1 Comment

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So you feel stuck in a miserable job with a bunch of gossiping coworkers? Maybe the work you are doing is completely unfulfilling and you dread Monday every single week. Possibly you love your job, but know it really isn’t what you are called to do, and you long to do something bigger with your life. No matter where in the spectrum you may fall, God has placed you precisely where you need to be.

There are times when I love my job as a math teacher at a public high school. However, there are also days where I wonder if I took the right path. If you know anything about my story, being a teacher was absolutely the furthest thing in my mind. I even remember walking the halls of my high school, as a high school student wondering why anyone would ever want to be a teacher. Life is funny like that. I have learned though, that no matter where you are in life, God has a plan exactly where you are.

This week I have been helping with our church’s VBS and we have been doing the story of the Israelites; their escape from slavery, some of the time spent in the wilderness, and crossing over into the promised land. As you well know, this story means a great deal to me (see my book Finding God in the Wilderness). Honestly, after the extensive time I spent pouring through this story during my time of writing that book, I thought I had probably exhausted that particular story of any new revelations, but God always finds a way to reveal something new.

As I have been thinking about Moses throughout the week, I thought a little further back in the story. I thought back to the fact that Moses had grown up in that very palace. He knew the ins and outs of royalty, the pharaoh, and leadership. He was specifically put in that place, I believe to help equip him for his future role as leader of an entire nation of Israelites. When he first found out that he was not an Egyptian, I am sure he was confused. He probably wondered why was he not serving as a slave like his relatives? I believe he felt guilty about it. You can tell because in the story he suddenly jumps to the defense of the Israelites and even ends up killing an Egyptian (see Exodus 2). Talk about an identity crisis. God knew the greater plan though.

In our own life, God also knows. I truly believe that He knows our exact circumstances. He places us with people who will help us grow, even if it is in unconventional ways. Sometimes our growth comes from a super supportive friend who walks the same path as us. More often, at least in my life, that growth comes from being around people who don’t think like me. I have had to grow through hurt feelings, frustrating circumstances, and let downs. Although I almost hate to admit it, that kind of growth sticks more. When I have had my feelings hurt or have been let down, it gives me a greater compassion for others going through similar situations. The idea of the golden rule (treating others how you want to be treated) becomes a higher priority when you have experienced not being treated well.

So, my challenge to all of us boils back down to trust. Can we trust that God really is in control? Can we trust that no matter how we feel, there is a greater plan? Can we also look to the people around us and find the the good, and overlook some of the bad? Can we believe, just like Moses, that we are specifically placed for a greater calling (even if that calling may not happen for another 40 years)? I am sure gonna try!

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

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Let’s Get Real

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

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I have heard that motherhood is the hardest job a woman will ever have. A little over seven years in, I would have to agree. Being a mom is one of the most incredible, exhausting, and often frustrating jobs I have ever had. Parenthood as a whole can be challenging at times. I tend to be a pretty independent person, however, the old saying that it takes a village to raise a child is more true than I ever realized it would be.
My husband and I don’t have family in the town where we live. Because of that, we know firsthand how excessively important having a community around us can be. We are so incredibly thankful for the people in our church and the friends we have made locally and in the surrounding communities.
Even though this message speaks to me as a female, I want to write not just to the women, but to the church as a whole about the vital importance of being a community. I specifically want to talk about being an authentic community. I am at an odd age right now. Over the last several months it has really hit me how much life changes when you move away, get married, and have kids. All of the sudden you become an adult. The funny thing about adults, is that we suddenly feel like we have to have our act together, even when we don’t.
Growing up, so many in the church learn to show themselves in the best light at all times. Appearances and what others perceived about us, or us about them for that matter, are of the utmost importance. Or so we think. What a tough way to live life! Being seen as the “good Christian” and trying to live up to that persona is not only impossible, but also doesn’t allow for the humanness of making mistakes. Judging others for every little action also does not allow for grace and love.
Jesus did not live his life like that. Not even a little bit. He loved people from every walk of life. Everyone from women caught in the act of adultery, to prostitutes, and even a Roman Centurion. Actually, the only group that he seemed to have issue with, were the religious Pharisees. He had a lot of issues with legalism, judgmentalness, and the way those religious people condemned others. In Luke 18:9-14 (NIV) Jesus tells a parable about a pharisee with that exact problem.

9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Wow. If that doesn’t make you feel a little bit convicted, you must not have the issues I do.
Jesus chose to do life with people. So much of His ministry recorded in scripture was done around the meal table. Everyone who was willing was welcome at His table. There were even occasions where Jesus would invite himself over for a meal. In Luke 19 (NLT) we find the story of Zacchaeus.

1Jesus entered Jericho and made his way through the town. 2There was a man there named Zacchaeus. He was the chief tax collector in the region, and he had become very rich. 3He tried to get a look at Jesus, but he was too short to see over the crowd. 4So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree beside the road, for Jesus was going to pass that way.

5When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name. “Zacchaeus!” he said. “Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today.”

6Zacchaeus quickly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great excitement and joy. 7But the people were displeased. “He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner,” they grumbled.

8Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!”

9Jesus responded, “Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”
There is a common thread in these stories; grace and mercy don’t go to the deserving. They go to the humble and the ones who genuinely seek God. The ones who are authentic. Jesus sought those kinds of people out. He hung out with a bunch of guys who were far from perfect. He had genuine conversations with his disciples and followers, and wasn’t angered when they didn’t act like good little Christians all the time.
Recently, the term Authentic Community has been at the forefront of my mind. We all crave that. We all want to be known on a deep and authentic way. We desperately need it in our marriages, and crave it in our friendships.
I am so thankful for the people of my church, specifically the small group we have been involved in for the past 12 years. They have seen the good and bad. When I received the news of being laid off, I cried on the shoulders of the people in that group and they prayed for our future. When we found out our family was expanding (all three times) they rejoiced with us. When we have good days and bad days we have people to laugh and cry with. I miss it on the weeks that we are unable to meet. Everyone needs that. We need to all be that person for someone else.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t by any stretch of the imagination think that we should air our dirty laundry with everyone. But we need to be able to with someone. Just to address the women specifically, we can be the worst about putting up walls that don’t allow for truly vulnerable relationships, especially when we are busy with family responsibilities. At the beginning of creation, God said it is not good for man, or woman for that matter, to be alone.
In Ecclesiastes 4 (NLT) starting in verse 9 it says 9Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
We are built to need each other. We are built to be authentic with each other. One definition for authentic is not false or copied; genuine; real: representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified. So the question is, how true to ourselves are we in the church community? Do we take the attitude of the Pharisee praying about the tax collector I referenced earlier? Or, do we take the attitude of Jesus himself and love those who aren’t like us and stay true to our beliefs regardless of what crowd we happen to be running in. That can be a real challenge. We want to look put together. We want to be perceived as “on it”. But let’s get real, we are all broken. We are all sinners who desperately need the very grace that we often don’t extend to others. God Himself demands nothing less.
Psalm 51:16-17 (NLT)

16You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.

17The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
This particular Psalm is a very interesting one because it was written after the Prophet Nathan confronted King David about his sin with Bathsheba. David was truly broken hearted. It couldn’t be more plain than this verse right here. God desires true repentance. I was curious what exactly was meant by a broken spirit.
According to Charles Spurgeon, it is “an expression implying deep sorrow, embittering the very life; it carries in it the idea of all but killing anguish in that region which is so vital as to be the very source of life.” It is beyond sorry. That kind of repentance is the only kind of sacrifice that is acceptable to God. That tells me that us being authentic, even with God, trumps every religious act we could perform. Authenticity should bleed into every part of our lives.
My prayer is that the church would be the safest place for authenticity. Let’s humble ourselves and not be afraid to let our walk be like Jesus, reaching out to people in every walk of life, not out of a sense of duty, but rather because we genuinely care about them. Let us never forget what it says in James 4:6 “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” It is my sincere prayer that that we would all learn to humble ourselves just as Jesus did when he washed the feet of the man who would betray him. That we would become a community like the men and women who received the first baptism of the Holy Spirit and loved each other unconditionally. That we would fight for the best interests of each other and pray unceasingly for each other. That we would lay down judgments and perceptions, and really get to know and love each other. And finally, that we would be able to pray for those who persecute us, and perhaps, wash the very feet of our enemies.

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