thanksgiving

Back to the Classics

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It’s funny, in my life I have gone through many changes. Job changes, life changes, relationship changes, family changes, and most recently, a big and exciting upcoming location change. It seems like anytime I am going through a big change, regardless of the circumstances. I seek the comfort of some of my favorite stories in the Bible and often find myself listening to podcasts that “coincidentally” touch on the same things I am working through.

Several years ago, when I went through the things that drove me to write Finding God in the Wilderness, I found great comfort in the stories of Joseph and Moses. As I enter into this new phase, I find myself back in the same stories again. This time through, I am seeing them from a whole different perspective. The last time I really spent time in these stories, I focused on the plights of the main characters. However, this time, I am starting to see how God used both people and circumstances to guide His will. 

For Joseph, God allowed his brothers to turn against him in the most vicious way, some even desiring to kill him. Fortunately, rather than kill him, they sold him into slavery. As discouraging and depressing as that had to have been, that action of brotherly betrayal, was the very action that got Joseph to where God needed and wanted him to be to save an entire nation. God will even use the evil acts of others to work his perfect plan. Joseph said as much to his brothers when they realized that he could have them killed on the spot for what they did. “But Joseph said to them, ‘Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:19-20 NIV. That attitude could not have happened overnight. He had years and years to think and contemplate on what his own flesh and blood had done to him. I am certain that he probably went through so many scenarios in his mind for how he would get back at his brothers when he was locked in a dungeon. However, clarity can often come when you look through a rear view mirror. The instant he was taken from the dungeon to the palace (see Genesis 41), everything had to make sense. God used all of the frustrations, disappointments and discouragements to build something into us, if we will let Him. 

In the story of Moses and the Israelites, we see over and over how God used tough circumstances to guide His people back to Him. He also uses those hard circumstances to continue to show His people that He will provide. I have seen the same thing time and time again in my own life. When I go through hard things, it always drives me to pray and seek the will of God that much more. It’s funny how that works. Regardless how we feel though during whatever we may be going through, scripture makes it clear that God is at work in our lives. One of the most famous verses, Jeremiah 29:11, says it well, but if you keep going it says it even better. “ For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:11-14 ESV.

May we all seek and find God with all our hearts. May we all take our changes as doors opening rather than doors closing. Let us try to see through the rear view mirror even before we are taken from our dungeon to our palace.

Marked Moments

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“Nothing is a surprise to God; nothing is a setback to His plans; nothing can thwart His purposes; and nothing is beyond his control.”

This quote was spoken by Joni Eareckson Tada, one of the most unlikely people to speak such a thing because she has been a quadriplegic since the age of 17. This quote speaks volumes to me. I believe with all my heart that God is in control, I just wish I could get that through to my head sometimes. I know that I don’t always act like it, but I do know it’s true.

I believe that there are moments that can change the trajectory of our lives in an instant. Some of my own examples include asking a friend of mine to a college formal (I ended up marrying that friend), getting laid off from a job I thought I would have forever, making the decision to become a teacher, and having a sweet surprise 3rd child, just to name a few. Those moments may be exciting, or devastating, but they mark us in a way that we are never quite the same.

I absolutely love the story of Joseph (It starts in Genesis 37). He goes through so many things leading from the dreams to the palace. His troubles all started because of a combination of his bragging ways and his evil brothers selling him into slavery. This lead him to eventually end up in prison. However, all the sorrows he went through, became the catalyst to become the 2nd in command in the palace. He needed these experiences to refine him. To humble his ego, learn to submit to authority, and always do the right thing, even when it ended in wrong results.

I can’t help but think the same is true in our own lives. Every experience, every setback, every frustration, and every triumph are all designed to take us from where we are to where God wants us to be. However, it is up to us to push through the hard times with integrity. When we don’t, we may end up needing to learn those lessons again.

I teach a lot of juniors and seniors. In Texas, they have to take and pass a lot of tests to graduation high school. When they don’t learn the lessons needed to pass the first time, they have the opportunity to try again. In order for those kids to be successful they must be in tutorial classes and re-learn much of the information. God does the same with us. If we fail the pride lesson, he gives us more opportunities to learn humility before we are ready for the next lesson. He never gives us a test we aren’t prepared for. However, He may give us a test we really don’t want. That’s the part I don’t like.

I want to refer back to the quote I started with. “Nothing is a surprise to God; nothing is a setback to His plans; nothing can thwart His purposes; and nothing is beyond his control.” Joni has now been wheelchair bound for over 50 years, yet has reached hundreds of thousands of people with her ministry and was also instrumental in helping the Americans with Disabilities Act get passed. I am sure she had no idea at the age of 17 the impact that she would have. I am also sure that 50 years from now, you have no idea what purpose the challenges you are going through are going to serve. Now, you may not be headed to 2nd in command of a kingdom or leading a worldwide ministry. But maybe you, like me, have a few kids, grandkids, or people who look up to you that see how you live your life and face your challenges. What they see from you will minister for generations to come, in good or bad ways.

We all have moments that mark our lives. Let’s use those marked moments to propel us into the next level of what God has in store for us.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

For Such a Time as This

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I truly believe that God places us exactly where He wants us for a specific reason. That being said, it is not always easy to act like I believe that. It’s incredibly easy to get pulled into the muck. It’s socially acceptable to gripe, complain, and belly ache about every little thing that doesn’t go my way. I hate that. I want to be the person who enjoys the moments on the way to the destination.

As I look back though my past, I can see the fingerprints of God all over the difficult times in my life. I know the value of having worked for an employer who was not a person of integrity, it makes me want to be a person of integrity all the more. I now realize how valuable the struggles of being overlooked for a job, because I now realize that would not have been a good fit for me plus it taught me how to have a good work ethic. I get why, in my first couple of years of teaching, my opinion wasn’t really listened to (because honestly I was mostly wrong and didn’t have the knowledge yet to even have an opinion on many things). I get all of that. I am thankful for every twist and turn that my life has taken to lead me to where I am at today.

That sounds great, but I still can’t manage to think that way while I am in the middle of a frustration. It’s especially true when I feel like I am being wronged, whether by a stranger or a friend. In my innocent little world, everyone needs to just assume the best about my intentions, needs to be kind to each other, and shouldn’t make up lies. Unfortunately, that isn’t how the world works.

We can take heart though.

I was recently re-reading one of my favorite Bible stories about a young woman, through no fault of her own, was ripped out of her home and found herself married to a king (one of many wives I might add). I am referring to Esther, of course. Now, as amazing as it sounds to be married to the king, for her it meant hiding who she really was (a Jew) and having to seek permission to come have a conversation with her husband. Not exactly ideal if you ask me. If you know the story you know that because of the fact she was in the palace, she was able to help save the Jewish people who were scheduled to be wiped out. If you don’t know the story make sure to check out the book of Esther, it is a pretty quick read. One of my all time favorite parts of that story is a line by her uncle Mordecai, “Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” Esther 4:14 NLT.

So I say to you, who knows if perhaps you weren’t __________________ for such a time as this. Fill in that blank with whatever difficult thing you are dealing with. Who knows, maybe the situation you are in at this very moment, is exactly what you need to accomplish the next thing God has slated for you?

Grafted

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Oreo and little orphan Buck

If this image looks a little strange to you, it’s because it is. We raise a breed of goats that are called Boer (they are the ones with white bodies and red heads typically). However, we also have a handful of Lamancha dairy goats that we inherited with some of the Boers that we purchased a few years ago. Lamanchas are an interesting breed of goat because they are some of the most gentle, even tempered goats you will ever meet. The drawback is that they are ugly as sin because they have no ears and they are not really a market animal (which is what we are in the business for). Well, this particular black and white Lamancha, Oreo, is such a sweetheart. Unfortunately, she had a hard time giving birth to her very first baby last weekend and ended up delivering a stillborn, that my husband had to help pull. Rather than her finding out that her kid didn’t make it, I quickly grabbed my little bottle baby, Buck, so that we could try to graft him onto her.

Little Buck couldn’t even stand up for over a week after he was born

Let me give you a little back story. Buck was born a little over a month ago and was the runt of a set of triplets. He was not able to stand up and his mother really didn’t tend to him. After trying throughout the day, unsuccessfully, to get her to tend to him and get him to stand up, we finally decided to get him inside and get him warmed up and fed. Since that time he has been my little bottle baby. He lived in a small water trough inside our house for about 3 weeks so that I could feed him (forcefully to begin with) and treat a nasty eye infection. Over time he healed and started standing, walking, running, and finally got well enough that we couldn’t even keep him in his little makeshift pen because he would just jump out. So we moved him to a little pen out in the barn with the other goats.

Buck in his new home in the barn when we moved him out of the house

My goal has always been to get him a real goat mom, but I was unsuccessful trying to get his actual mom to take him back. Goats are funny about that. Once they abandon a kid, they will not take them back. So I went along just feeding him several times a day. That all changed a week ago when I finally had a mom that needed a baby.

It has taken the full week but the picture at the top was the very first time she was letting him nurse without me having to be in there with her. It is an amazing feeling (even if it is a goat) to see an orphan gain a mom. And that got me to thinking about a few things.

I realized that every single person who calls themselves a Christian is also an orphan that has been grafted into a new family. “But some of these branches from Abraham’s tree—some of the people of Israel—have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree.” Romans 11:17 NLT

Grafting is an interesting process in the plant world. It is essentially taking part of one plant and putting it with another to make it grow as one. As time goes on in the process, the plant being grafted on (called the cutting or scion) takes on the characteristics of the one it is being grafted too (called the rootstock). Grafting is not a simple, or painless, process. As a matter of fact it involves cutting, bandaging, and a lot of time. This is often done when a plant has rooted poorly, or not all, and would die otherwise.

WOW! Isn’t that an analogy for us? Our process of grafting into the family of God is not necessarily a painless one. Sometimes there are things that need to be cut away and lots of time for healing past wounds. Nonetheless, we are called Sons and Daughters of God. We have been adopted, but we are chosen as heirs to the very kingdom of God. “And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.” Romans 8:17 NLT

Did you catch that last little part? Yes, we are His children, but we are also not immune to suffering on this earth. So, while you go through the pains and frustrations that can come with your own grafting process, I want to encourage you with this: as you heal and are fully grafted, you will also grow closer to the source of life and with that you will also start to take on the characteristics of the rootstock. So no matter what you are going though, push through the pain and remember that you are already grafted and accepted just as you are.

But also remember this: just because you are accepted exactly as you are, that doesn’t mean God is going to leave you that way!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.” Psalm 51:10-12 ESV

Don’t Create An Ishmael While You Wait On Your Isaac

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I am an extremely impatient person, as many of you may be.  I remember a particular Christmas as a kid when I actually tiptoed out of my room with a flashlight before dawn just to see what Santa had brought, then went back to bed and pretended to be surprised in the morning when I could finally get up (sorry mom).  I hate having to wait on things, especially if it is something I really want.
Over the years, I have really had to learn how to be patient.  One of the many areas I have had to learn the lesson of patience, has been in my finances.  When I first got married I knew nothing other than simply throwing things on a credit card or loan.  In my first few months of marriage in the process of building a home, my husband and I acquired one of the things many married couples do: debt.  We wound up with the Home Depot Card, Furniture Row Card, and a few other cards and debts.  Of course, we could have saved a little money by buying used, but hey we were married now so we deserved to buy new; regardless of whether we could afford the “things” or not.  Thank goodness, about 9 months after we were married, we wound up going through Financial Peace University (a class that teaches about finances from a Biblical perspective by Dave Ramsey) through our small group at church.  This course opened our eyes to see how important getting and staying out of debt was, and really revolutionized our thought process when it came to money.  We have had to make some tough decisions in order to not go back into the debt we use to live under.  It has not always been easy, but has always been worth it.
If you know the story of Abraham in the Bible, you know that there was a little bit of dysfunction in his life.  God had promised him a son, but time was ticking away and still he had no son.  His wife decided that since she couldn’t have a son that they could “rig it” and he could have a son through her servant Hagar (what wife in her right mind would do that???).  It worked, Hagar became pregnant and had a son she named Ishmael.  However, that was not he son God had promised.  Abraham and Sarah had jumped the gun and ended up with less than God’s best for them. One of my favorite things about this story is the fact that even though Abraham and Sarah had royally messed up (and we still feel the affects of this mess up all these years later, just look at the middle east), God continued to hold up his end of the promise.  The real blessing was Isaac who would be born from Sarah 14 years later. “The Lord kept his word and did for Sarah exactly what he had promised. She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would.” Genesis 21:1-2 NLT.
So many of us create our own Ishmael in the process of waiting on our Isaac.  It is so hard to wait, especially if things look impossible.  Things looked impossible for Abraham.  After all, he was 86 when Ishmael came along and 100 when Isaac finally arrived.  Talk about a long wait!  I honestly don’t blame them for trying their own way to make things happen.  However, had they simply waited and trusted in God, they could have avoided a lot of heartache.
So what is your Ishmael?  Have you entered into a bad relationship simply because you didn’t want to wait on who God has for you?  Or have you gotten yourself into insane amounts of debt because you didn’t want to wait and save up?  Or maybe you tried to force God’s hand on another thing you feel you have been promised and have made a mess of it.  Whatever your Ishmael, remember that God is true to his promises.  He has an Isaac in store if we can simply wait on His timing.

Time to Step it Up

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Ladies, this one is for you. I have something on my mind, and have for a little while, it’s time to share it: We have got to do better!!!

Let me explain.

I want to flash back to junior high and high school for a minute. I remember back in those days so often preferring to hang out with “the guys” simply because girls can be so cruel. One minute we were best friends, and the next there was drama for one reason or another. I have already started seeing this happen with my second grade daughter. It’s heartbreaking when she comes home from school telling me that someone was mean to her and she was left out of a game on the playground.

I’m not sure what it is about females that causes us to be insecure, competitive, and sometimes downright mean. This shouldn’t be! After all, we are the nurturers. We should naturally be protective and encouraging of each other. We should believe the best about each other, unfortunately it is often just the opposite.

I absolutely love the story of Jonathan and David in 1 Samuel. Their friendship was unrivaled. It says in 1 Samuel 18:3 “Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.” Wow! Sign me up for that kind of friendship. I was re-reading the story of David and Jonathan the other night and I just couldn’t get over the selfless love they had for each other. They built each other up and encouraged each other, even though for Jonathan, it meant risking everything.

I have to admit, I am slightly jealous of my husband. He has never had a shortage of good friends. The thing about men, especially confident guys like my husband and most of the men he calls good friends, is they can just be relaxed and be themselves without comparison, judgement, or feeling like they have to portray themselves a certain way. I have some great female friends, but I can honestly say it has been years since I have had anything close to a “Jonathan/David” type of friendship. It seems like the older I get, the longer it takes us girls to tear down the walls between each other.

So what’s a girl to do? I want to issue a challenge that I myself have been try to do. I want to challenge every single woman who is reading this to go out of your way to encourage another woman. Whether that means speaking an encouraging word to someone, supporting a startup business, or even taking a younger woman under your wing, just do it! Be the friend that you want others to be to you! Use the idea of the golden rule: treat other women the way you want to be treated. Give the women you work with and do life with the benefit of the doubt.

When my husband and I first moved into the town where we live, 13 years ago, we had several couples in our church who took us in. We had no family in town, and really didn’t know anyone, but the people who poured into us then made so much of a difference. Be that person. Be the friend you wish others would be to you. Be the person to welcome someone new. Be the one to believe the best. Be the person to spread good news, and not rumors. Be the one to encourage another woman when she is trying something new. Be the one to build another woman up!!!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Every Rose Has It’s Thorns

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Image result for I thank thee for the roses, help me to thank thee for the thorns

If you have read very much of my writing, you will likely know that one of my biggest pet peeves is ungratefulness. It drives me absolutely insane when people don’t say thank you when someone does something for them, goes out of their way to help them, or perhaps when they have been given a gift. Although it is a challenge a lot of the time, I am trying very hard to teach my girls to always say thank you (not always successfully, I might add), and I think that adults should do the same. That being said, my own hypocrisy kicks in sometimes and I don’t always thank people when I should. Toward the end of last year I made a goal of trying to be more thankful. I thought I would give a little update on how that has been going.

Rejoice always, pray continually,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  I Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

That verse has always been a little convicting to me. Always, continually, and in all circumstances. That’s a lot. Especially the part about giving thanks in all circumstances. I want so badly to edit that one word and change it to give thanks in good circumstances. This has been a tough school year so far in my household. I have a group of students that seem to struggle a little more than most years with being able to pass tests, which is creating a little extra stress in my world trying to find creative ways to get through to them. My girls are getting older and have more going on as far as homework and school activities, which is keeping us a little busier. My husband is a principal, and he has dealt with some challenging situations of his own throughout the year. When we are deep in the trenches of everyday life, that whole concept of give thanks in all circumstances can be pretty tough. It’s tough to say thanks when things are going wrong.

However, in the same way I get irritated when people are ungrateful, how much more must God get frustrated when we aren’t thankful. King David probably didn’t feel much like thanking God for the lion or the bear attacking his sheep, but those battles are exactly what prepared him for the battle against Goliath. What if these frustrating moments are the exact things we should be giving thanks for?

I have tried to make a point to thank the people in my life that I really felt compelled to thank. Over the last 2 months I have written several thank you notes that were probably way overdue. As I write this, I remembered one other person who really needs to be thanked for their hard work (I will make sure that happens this week). As I think about how to carry this challenge forward, I can’t help but think about how easy it is for me to say thank you when something is benefitting me, but when it is flipped and things are not going as planned, I have such a hard time being grateful. So that is where I am going to try and focus going forward. I want to be better at giving thanks in all circumstances.

George Matheson once said in one of his more well-know sermons, “My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorn. I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but not once for my thorn.” I have that same problem. I can be so thankful for the blessings, but have a hard time being thankful during life’s frustrations. Lord, help me to thank thee for my thorn!

When I started writing my book Finding God in the Wilderness, I was able to look back and see how those thorny situations that felt like a wilderness, were really leading me to the next phase of promised land. Looking back, it is often easier to see the blessings in the challenges. I don’t want to have to wait though. I want to learn how to be more thankful during the challenge. I want to walk into my classroom and thank God for giving me the students that He did. I want to wake up every morning thanking God for strong willed girls. I want to know that anything I go though is growing me into the person God is calling me to be.

Let’s all start this new year learning more every day how to “thank Thee for the thorns”.

 

 

As A Gentle Whisper

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As a teacher of mostly 9th graders, I see every single day how much the creativity of people can be harmed by this instant gratitude, always entertained world we live in. Let’s just be honest, we are all guilty of this from time to time. Almost everyone has an entertainment system that they carry in their pocket, purse, or backpack at all times; the cell phone. Take a look around at practically any waiting room, restaurant, or even stoplight, and you will see grown humans grabbing for that phone and constantly having to be entertained. I am not innocent, and likely you aren’t either.

I have always tried to be careful to not allow too much technology into my girls’ world too soon, but I also don’t want to shelter them so that they don’t know how to use it. As a momma, this can be a very difficult thing to balance. I have never been the mom to just hand off my phone to keep my kids quiet. As a matter of fact, I never have, don’t even have kid’s games loaded on it. On the other hand, my eldest daughter does know how to turn on her cartoons and find movies on our television. It is such a hard balance. We have given in recently to the benefits of apps and websites for reading and math remediation for our girls, and do appreciate the things they are learning. However, when I see kids in my classes texting on smart watches and staring down at the phone “hidden” in their laps, or, like one creative student, in their pencil bag that they can see through to text or snapchat, I want to make sure my kids aren’t addicted to it. I want them to find meaningful real-life relationships. I also want them to find their value in knowing who they are in Christ, not because of social media likes.

I love seeing the imaginations of my girls when I force them to entertain themselves. I honestly think that it is becoming a lost art. We as a society are so afraid of, or maybe just opposed to, being bored. Boredom brings out such a creative part in kids (and adults) though, that I think they need to experience it.

Today is a perfect example of the benefits of boredom. We are at the tail end of Thanksgiving break and the wind was insane today. So, we decided to take our girls to go see a movie and a late lunch. When we returned home they wanted to turn on cartoons and we told them that they had just watched a movie so they needed to go play. I sat down to work on some school work that I have been putting off all week, and all 3 of them sat down at the table with me and with notebook paper, tape, and colored pencils, they created “books” telling the story of their day. When they finished that, they ran off to their rooms and started an epic princess saga that is still going even 2 hours after they have been told to go to bed. It is amazing what they come up with when they are left to their own devices.

I think that we are the same way. If we could just turn off the noise, imagine what we might come up with! Sabbath rest has been a theme for me lately. Thanksgiving break has been an amazing time of refreshing and recharging for me this year. I know that when I do turn off all the noise, that I can hear from God in a much more real way. I also know that when I take the time to take a break from constantly having to be entertained, I am so much more creative and better able to function during those busy times. As we inch our way to the new year, I want to slow down and quit allowing myself to get so distracted on what my goals and passions are. We need to remember that the presence of God comes as a whisper. You can’t hear a whisper when you are surrounded by noise.”

“The Lord said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’ Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.” 1 King 19:11-13 NIV emphasis added

A Dozen Years Later…

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I am going to take a moment and brag on my husband for a little while. I blog a lot about my kiddos, motherhood, and faith, but I don’t blog a whole lot about my husband. He really is an amazing man, so I thought it was about time to share a little about him as well as a bit of our backstory.

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Just as a little background, we grew up 19 miles apart. Our lives were intertwined in so many ways, but we never actually met until we were 3 hours and a state away from home in college at the University of Wyoming (Go Pokes!!!). We met for the first time briefly during my Junior year of college. I didn’t cross paths with him again until the next school year when we were reintroduced on the university shotgun team (oh yeah, I don’t know if I ever mentioned how much I love to shoot). I looked forward to each week when we would go shoot, because he often had to buy me a meal afterward when he lost a bet thinking he could out shoot me.

We loved shooting on our university shotgun team!

Fast forward a few months and I awkwardly asked him if he would take me to my sorority formal over email, because I had no other way of contacting him. I wasn’t even sure if he actually checked his emails because at that time email was something you might look at once a week. Much to my surprise, he called me within the hour and said he would go. Being a good guy, he asked me if he could take me out to dinner the night before the formal. I found out much later that he had been half-heartedly dating another girl in my sorority, and when he got my email he immediately broke off that relationship (that may, or may not have caused a bit of drama within the sorority over the next few months).

All dressed up for my sorority formal

From that first date on, we were absolutely inseparable and the best of friends. The thing that I appreciated and respected so much about him was how honest he was, he was never fake with me. He didn’t try to act like someone he wasn’t. He is still that way. Love him or hate him, people cannot argue with the fact that he is one of the most honest people you will ever meet. Six months after we graduated we were engaged, five months after that we were married. We have now been married for about 12 1/2 years. I have learned so much in that time, I thought I would share some of what I have learned so far.

Something that is vital and that has not ever changed, is the foundation of our relationship. Before we even started dating, we had a very long conversation about our faith and our end goals. I made it very clear to him that I was not like most girls, and that at the stage of life we were both in, I wasn’t interested in just dating to date, after all, I was just about to enter my final semester of my senior year of college. We made a priority of our faith and that has been such a blessing over the years. It has been especially important during the difficult times.

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Our Engagement Photo

When the newlywed stage wears off and real life hits, that foundation is paramount. Faith is all you really have when you hit hard times like job layoffs, tight finances, or just simple exhaustion during the throws of raising children. I can’t imagine trying to raise our children together, if our faith was not the same. I also can’t imagine getting through some of the tough times we have been through without our faith. There have been so many times that all we could do was press in and pray together that God would guide our path. I thank God that we are able to do that together. I am also so thankful that finding someone who shared my faith was always a non-negotiable for me, even as a teenager. As I think back, it took a lot of nerve for me, on our first real date, to lay it all out there and tell him exactly where I was in my faith and that I was not willing to date someone I couldn’t share that with. However, I am so glad I did. I never had to be fake with him. I could be, and still can be, exactly who God made me to be without fear of him not appreciating me following my God-given dreams. I pray all three of my girls will find that same kind of foundation in the young men that they choose to marry someday.

Secondary to being on the same page in our faith, flexibility is extremely important. I remember when we first got married and all the “plans” we made. The 1 year, 5 year, and 10 year plans. None of it has happened exactly like we planned, however, we keep dreaming together. Every decision or investment that we have made has been a group effort, but we have had to learn that it is okay for plans to change. Jobs, have changed, living situations have changed, our family has grown, and we have gotten older. One thing that has never changed, regardless of the season of life we are in is that we make flexible goals together.

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My dear husband is now the Principal of a K-12 school, so we still get to go to prom!

As we have gotten older, we have really been able to have fun with that. We no longer make hard goals with strict deadlines that will likely never happen like we planned. Instead, we changed our plans and goals into dreams. We dream together of what can be. We talk about what steps we can take to make those dreams come true. Now, don’t get me wrong, all of our dreams are not exactly the same. He and I both have separate dreams that have yet to come true. But we are able, through the process, to try our best to support each other in the pursuit of our dreams, in hopes that one day soon, those dreams will actually come to fruition.

Humor is the final piece of the puzzle I want to address. I honestly don’t know how anyone can stay married without it. There is something so valuable about being able to laugh together. My husband has always been the funny guy, and I love that. Even when I am fuming mad, he is always able to bring a little humor in to defuse the situation. In his current job as Principal, he has to be able to laugh, or he might just cry when he has to deal with some of the things that comes across his desk. When life gets hard and you are in the middle of the stinking dirty here and now, that isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, you must be able to smile together.

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Always the funny guy, we had a blast representing our team at the national shooting competition!

I don’t want you to think that every moment of every day is a perfect cinderella story. We have our fair share of frustrations, exhausting moments, and struggles. We fight and gripe at each other. We come to points in our more heated discussions ,where we have to just agree to disagree. We are both stubborn, and strong willed. There are definitely clashes of the titans from time to time. Through it all though, those tough times have made us stronger as a couple.

Although it was fun, I would not want to go back to those newlywed days. I love where we are today. I am more comfortable in my own skin that I ever was when I first got married. The scars we have earned through the ups and downs in the last 12 1/2 years of marriage, and 14 years of relationship, have made us who we are today. I use to try so hard to please everyone, only succeeding in making myself miserable and pleasing no one along the way. Now, I realize that if I have to work hard to please people, those people probably don’t really have my best interests at heart. If I have to convince someone to love, appreciate, or be proud of me, their opinion of me really shouldn’t impact how I live my life. Instead, I need to spend more of my energy pleasing God and following his plans for my future, not simply doing what I feel like others expect me to do.

I leave you with the verse we chose for our wedding. I still love this verse today, and think that we could all benefit from living this way.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

Our family sure has grown over the years!

Paradigm Shift: A Challenge Update

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

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A few days ago, I shared a gratitude challenge (see my blog post Take the Challenge).  I thought I would give a little update on how it is going for me so far.

Soooo, you know the saying “easier said than done”? Yeah, that’s me. It is so easy to talk about putting gratitude into practice on a regular basis. Actually doing it is a completely different thing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have put some of the things into practice. For example, I did write a few thank you notes, and made a point to thank others for things they had done to help me.

Then Saturday hit.

It’s a funny thing, Saturdays. As a young 20-something newlywed with no kids, I looked forward to my Saturdays. Saturday meant I could sleep in, watch a movie, go on a date, and pretty much do whatever I wanted. Then we had three kids. Sleeping in is a thing of the past because I have kids who like to rise early. Saturdays now mean massive amounts of laundry, dishes, and catching up on housework all while trying to keep kids from making more of a mess or massively slowing me down with all their needs. The gratitude train got a bit derailed on Saturday. Actually, in the spirit of being completely honest, that train hit a cliff and burned completely to the ground. I allowed myself to enter into a pretty negative space mentally. I started internally (and to get real honest, externally too) grumbling and complaining about all that needed to be done. By the end of the day, I was a complete grump and ungrateful to the core. I ended up going to bed pretty early just because I was exhausted. Truth be told, that’s what I really needed anyways, because for about the last 2 weeks, my 3 year old has come in during the middle of the night pretty much every night and I had been a bit sleep deprived because of it.

Now, I didn’t really realize how ungrateful I was being until Sunday morning rolled around. My church participates each year in Operation Christmas Child and my family always packs 3 girl boxes (because I have 3 girls). When I was getting the boxes ready to bring to church, my girls were looking at everything and wanting all of it. My middle child started to really complain and pitched a fit about wanting what was in those boxes. This momma lost her cool. I was appalled at how my kids were acting. I explained to them that these boxes were going to little kids who didn’t get Christmas gifts. I told them that a lot of the kids that receive the boxes are extremely poor and may not even have enough food. I felt like such a failure as a mom because of the entitled way my kids were acting.

That’s when it hit me. I had the conviction come down on me like a flood. I am the one who has taught them to not appreciate what they have. It is little wonder that they grumble when they have to clean up all their toys, when I have been their model. There is little wonder why they don’t appreciate all they have, when I don’t always show that appreciation myself. I have to have a paradigm shift to see that even though I do have lots of laundry and dishes to do, I am blessed to live in a place where I have machines to do the hard work for me. I have to realize that even though my kids make lots of messes, I have healthy, active kids who love to play. I also have to remember that even though I do have a lot of housework to do on the weekends, I have a home and don’t have to worry about where I will sleep each night.

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Learning how to see the pile of laundry as a blessing!

So, I am adding to my challenge after this weekend. I want to model gratitude for my girls. I want to show them what it is like to be thankful. I’m really not sure how I will do it, but I do know that it is so important to me that my girls learn from a young age to be thankful for what they have been given I think I will start by being more thankful to them when they do things to help each other and me.

So my question to you is how do you train up your children to be grateful? I would love some ideas from people who, like me, are in the trenches, as well as those of you who have made it through parenthood and are on the other side.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17 NIV