Jesus

Build a Monument

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Ancient Israelites didn’t always do everything right (remember that whole 40 years they took to make an 11 day journey thing). However, one thing they did do over and over very well was to remember and celebrate what God had done for them. Throughout the pages of scripture, there are feasts and celebrations to commemorate various things that God had done for His people. I love the idea of feasts, but there is something that was done that I love even more.

Time and time again, whenever the Israelites had overcome something because of God’s divine help, they would often build a monument or a memorial to always remember what had occurred and how God had helped them. When the Israelites crossed into the promised land, the first thing they did was get 12 stones to represent the 12 tribes and build a monument to remember what God had done for them (see Joshua 4). There are numerous other instances throughout scripture of people building a monument at a place where they had seen God do a miraculous thing. Jacob put up a stone monument on several occasions in Genesis. Now, these monuments weren’t necessarily huge or elaborate as we may imagine when we think of modern-day monuments in our world. No, often these would be simple and made of a stone or several stones that were placed in strategic places to remind the people who were doing it of the miraculous work God had done in their lives.

My favorite mention of a stone monument is the concept of an Ebenezer stone in 1 Samuel, right after the Lord had helped rescue the Israelites from the Philistines. “Samuel then took a large stone and placed it between the towns of Mizpah and Jeshanah. He named it Ebenezer (which means “the stone of help”), for he said, “Up to this point the Lord has helped us!” 1 Samuel 7:12 NLT. I love that concept! I think we all need a few Ebenezer stones of help in our life to help us to see how “up to this point the Lord has helped us”.

I just recently crossed the 12 year anniversary of a life-changing time in my life where I lost a job and found myself in the middle of many course corrections that have led me where I am today (if you don’t know the story you can read about it in some of my older blogs or in my book here). As I thought back to where I was and where I am now, this concept of an Ebenezer stone came to my mind. My Ebenezer is not a stone monument I built, rather, it is two buildings that I used to work at. Every single time I see those places I can’t help but smile and remember how far I have come and how much my life has changed. When I feel discouraged or frustrated in my current circumstances (which can happen as an educator in the Covid era), I think about those Ebenezers in my own life and just thank God for all He has done for me and all he is doing for me, whether I know it or not.

One of the “Ebenezer Stones” in my life. Every single time I see this place, I remember all God has brought me through

So I want to challenge you. What is your Ebenezer? Is there a place or time that you know that “up to this point the Lord has helped me”. Take some time to think about that concept and find a way to acknowledge that and thank God for all he has done in your life.

Joy Comes Through Letting Go

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I have a confession to make.

I am a recovering Pharisee. That’s right. I have lived a good chunk of my life like those dudes in the Bible that Jesus called a brood of vipers (See Matthew 12:34). As a teenager, I was one of the most judgemental holy-rollers you would have ever met. If you were breathing air in my general vicinity, you can almost guarantee I was passing judgement on you while at the same time thinking I was better than you. Honestly, I look back at my teenage self and cringe just a little. Granted, it kept me out of trouble back then. I was a very reliable designated driver and wore a white wedding dress with pride. However, I know that I pushed people away in the process, and if I got real honest with myself, likely even pushed some of them away from God.

In the Bible, the Pharisees were the super religious people who knew every word of scripture, but really never took that knowledge and used it to help or love anyone else. They were so busy trying to find every fault in anyone that they couldn’t even see their own shortcomings. They couldn’t even see the very Messiah they had been waiting for right before their very eyes. What a shame. How many miracles did they miss out on because they were too busy fault finding, judging, and condemning to see what was happening before their own eyes.

Philippians chapter 2 does an amazing job of addressing those of us who live their lives so focused on what others do wrong that they miss out on what God really has in store for them. “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2:1-4 NIV

When I think of my own life, I have found so much joy in the moments that I am encouraging others. However, that isn’t always an easy thing to do. It is so much easier to get pulled into a “what about me?” mentality and simply worry about life through the lens of how things will affect me, or the “at least I am not like them” mentality and look at others as less than. Sometimes (oftentimes) it is inconvenient to think of the needs of others above our own. And sadly, sometimes we will get burned when we do offer help to others. A little further in Philippians 2 it says this: “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus. Who, being in very nature a God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man ,he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” Philippians 2:5-8 NIV.

In order to find joy, we must let go of ourselves. We must let go of the selfish ambitions, judgements, and lofty opinions of ourselves. We must strive a little more every single day to put on that humility that Jesus had and choose to serve others. We need to stop striving for the approval of man, at the expense of our relationship with God. We must choose to value others above ourselves, regardless of how difficult that my be at times.

I am a work in progress in those departments. I still struggle in so many ways. But my prayer is that tomorrow I will be further in the path to being like Christ than I am today and that this time next year I will be even further in that process.

You Think Your Boss Is Rough

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Angry boss with face getting red Royalty Free Vector Image

We just finished VBS week around here. The last several years (10 if I recall correctly) I have been cast with the job of story lady. It’s interesting because every single year, without fail, I tend to learn something new. Either a story I am not super familiar with or maybe a small part of a familiar story that I never thought about. Sometimes it is intertwined in the scripted story, but often it comes from me going and re-reading the stories in the Bible before I tell them. That was the case this year. 

Our story was about when David was running for his life from King Saul in 1 Samuel. We talked about how God hears our prayers and the focus was Psalm 86. We also talked about how when we deal with being treated unfairly or dealing with hard things, God is there for us. Such a good lesson for kids. However, when I was reading the story from the Bible in preparation, something else stood out to me. David was the commander of Saul’s army, a high position that Saul himself gave to David. Essentially David was a very loyal employee of King Saul. David was the kind of employee that all the bosses I know, including my very own husband, would love to have. He was loyal (a trait that can be hard to come by), hard working, honest, never complaining or whining, and really really good at what he did. He was so good, that it made him famous. Unfortunately, his fame is what got him in the trouble he was in.

Through his military triumphs, David became more famous than the king himself. That is not a good position to find yourself in, especially when you are serving a king with an ego. If you go back and read the story, you will find that Saul wanted to kill David, which is what sent him into hiding in the wilderness. David had every reason to want to kill Saul to save his own life. However, time and time again, David made the choice to not harm Saul (please, if you are not familiar with the story, take the time to go read starting in 1 Samuel 18). I think there is a lesson for all of us in that action. David didn’t spare Saul because he was afraid, rather he spared him because he was God’s chosen person in authority over him. He knew it wasn’t his position to do harm to the very man God had chosen. 

Let me explain. We all have people in authority over us. Maybe you have an incompetent jerk of a boss, difficult family relationships, or any number of people who may have some sort of authority position who don’t have your back. Our human nature wants to have revenge in those situations. We want to participate in the slander of that person, or worse yet we want with all that is within us, for that person to fail (and maybe even take steps in order for that to happen). However, even if we don’t agree or like the person, we are called, like David, to remember that no one is given any authority without God knowing it. Our job is to serve with loyalty, honesty, and integrity while we are under their authority. But, just like David, there may come a time when we simply need to leave. Maybe it means quitting a job and moving on or maybe it means getting rid of a toxic friendship that is destroying your marriage, or possibly making drastic changes in your own life to get away from that situation. 

No matter what we are dealing with, we are called to honor those in authority. Honoring does not mean we agree with everything they say. What it does mean though is that we respect the position God has given them. I know I haven’t always done that right. I have my fair share of regrets in that department. I want more than anything to learn how to do that better. I want to be a person people are glad to have on their team. I want anyone in authority over me to identify me as someone who is dependable, honest, hard-working, and loyal, not as someone who will stab them in the back, not do the job well, or can’t be trusted. I hope all of us will strive for that!

“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” Romans 13:1-2 NLT

The Faith of a Mom

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Mother's Day 2021: 10 Fun Ways to Celebrate Mom | The Old Farmer's Almanac

As I write this, it’s currently Mother’s Day. Mother’s day always makes me pause and think of how I am doing in the realm of motherhood. As the mom of 3 young girls (ages 9, 6, and 5), I sometimes feel like a failure. I am not a typical “perfect mom”. I lose my temper, get frustrated, and I am not always bubbly and fun. I tried the stay-at-home mom thing, and only lasted a year. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, I just found that I was not cut out for it. I enjoy working outside the home. Honestly, even if I ran my own business, it would have to be outside the house, I am just more productive that way.

Mom guilt is a very real thing. I struggled with that for a while, and often still do. It seems like everyone is nailing the mom thing while I often feel like I am just surviving. I grew up on James Dobson and Focus on the Family where there is a strong push for moms to stay home and even homeschool, both things that I don’t do, and don’t plan on doing. There is nothing wrong with doing those things, however, it really just isn’t for me. It hit me today when I was reading a short passage in the Bible, that God will use a moms exactly where they are.

I was reading about when Paul first met Timothy. If you will remember, Timothy became one of Paul’s most trusted friends and vital in growing the early church. In Acts 16:1 it says “Paul came to Derbe and then to Lystra, where a disciple named Timothy lived, whose mother was Jewish and a believer but whose father was a Greek.” It may seem a little odd for this verse to stand out to me, but it really made me realize that God will use a believing mom no matter what the circumstance.

To me, it says a lot that Timothy became a believer, despite the fact that his father wasn’t one. It shows that his mother made a big impact on him. It also shows that you don’t have to have what may be perceived as the “perfect Christian family” in order to raise Godly children. As a matter of fact, him having a non-believer as a father may have even given Timothy a lot of insight into the way non-believers think. It also tells me that despite my failures as a mom, even if I don’t always do everything perfectly, God has a tremendous plan for my kids. Paul even notes the faith of Timothy’s mother and grandmother. “I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.” 2 Timothy 1:5

So the next time you find yourself not measuring up as a mom (or even as a grandmother), turn off the social media, quit comparing, and remember that God will use you no matter how imperfect you may feel.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

The Authentic Problem of Inauthenticity

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“I don’t want to go to church, it’s full of a bunch of hypocrites.”

We have all probably either heard that line or possibly said it ourselves. I use to brush that off and respond by saying, “of course it is full of hypocrites, we are all sinners.” Which is completely true. We are all sinners and no one is perfect. However, I don’t think that is a good enough response. As a matter of fact, I think that is a cop out answer. I would equate that to someone having questions about God or Jesus and us just responding by saying “you just have to accept it and have faith”. Honestly, that is nowhere near good enough as an answer.

So what are we to do?

I think we should take it a little more personally. I think that we need to dig deeper into that question to see exactly what people are seeing that labels us as a hypocrite. What are we saying but not doing? That question scares me. I know it is way easier for me to preach a good line, than it is for me to live it out.

I work at a public school as a teacher. That puts me in the eye of a lot of people. My biggest prayer is that who I am on Sunday morning is the same person as who I am Monday in class or Friday afternoon when I am exhausted and out of patience. But let’s be honest, we all fail. I pray that when (not if) I fall short, I will not be blinded to my own shortcomings. That being said, I don’t think that seeing my own shortcomings is enough, I hope to have the integrity to admit when I am wrong.

Several years ago, I had an experience that changed my perspective a little on my public witness. It happened when I had a student who was the child one of the leaders of a church in the town where I was working at the time. I did not attend this church, so I cannot attest to everything they believed, but it was a Christian church. I have dealt with difficult students and with difficult parents but this situation was really unique. This family proclaimed the same gospel I did. The one where you love others, give them grace, and make allowances for others. That was not the case and not the perspective I saw. This student caused me tremendous frustration in class and was a constant discipline problem. That happens, we have all read the parable of the prodigal son. Honestly, I have seen that so many times it doesn’t shock me anymore when a church leader has kids that act perfect in church, but out of line at school. That wasn’t my issue. The issue that broke my heart was the parents wanting to point fingers everywhere but their own child. They slandered myself and other teachers, blaming us for issues that their child had caused. My heart broke because I knew that everyone involved knew that the parents were church leaders. And honestly, I would hear conversations of people saying they would never attend church because that’s how those people acted.

“They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.” Titus 1:16 NIV

Wow. Whenever I think of it it gives me a little pause in my own spirit. I pray that the way I act outside of church wouldn’t turn people away from coming to church. That scares me to think about. I know, especially the me from 15 years ago, probably did just that. When I would help spread the gossip or form uninformed opinions about people and declare them to the world, I am sadly certain I was probably labeled as one of those hypocrites. Honestly, there are probably still things I do that label me as such.

I pray that every single day that goes by, I would grow past that. I pray that any hypocritical actions or thoughts would be replaced by good, Holy Spirit actions and thoughts. I even struggle as I write this, because it is highly possible that someone may be reading this thinking about my hypocrisy in something that happened between us. I am also not perfect. I do hope though that the person I am tomorrow or 10 years from now, is further along in the pathway to sanctification than I am today. And I pray that the person I am today is a better person that I was 10 years ago.

How about you? Where do you fall in this story. Are you the person not wanting to be around Christians because the are “a bunch of hypocrites” or are you possibly one of those hypocrites like me? Maybe you are somewhere in between.

Lord, let us all grow closer in our walk with you. Help us to see our own hypocrisies and strive to be more Christ-like in our dealings with others, both in and out of church.

James 1:22 — Today's Verse for Thursday, August 2, 2018

It just so happened….

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I have always believed that even if we make wrong decisions, if we are earnestly seeking the will of God, He will always work all things out for our good (see Jeremiah, 29:11). However, when you are in an uncertain situation, and things aren’t necessarily working out the way you think they should, you may wonder if that is true in your situation.

I was reading a very familiar story this morning, the story of Ruth, when a certain verse jumped off the page. As a little background for anyone not familiar with the story here is a brief synopsis (you can read the full story in the book of Ruth):

A famine had struck the land of Judah. Because of the famine, a man named Elimelech along with his wife Naomi and their two sons moved to a foreign land where the worship of false gods was prevalent. Elimelech arranged the marriage of his sons to 2 women who were not followers of the same God as they were (a big no no in those days). Unfortunately, Elimelech and his 2 sons all died within a few years after they arrived. Eventually, Naomi received word that the famine had passed, and so she decided that she would return to Judah with her two daughter-in-laws but soon told them to return home so that they could remarry. One of them went back, but the other, Ruth, refused to leave Naomi telling her that she would follow her wherever she went and that Naomi’s God would be her God. So they both returned to Judah. Because they were both widows, they were very poor and eventually Ruth resorted to gleaning grain (basically following behind the harvesters and picking what they missed or left behind)

This is the point where this story took a little different turn for me today:

“Ruth the Moabitess asked Naomi, “Will you let me go into the fields and gather fallen grain behind someone who allows me to? ”Naomi answered her, “Go ahead, my daughter.” So Ruth left and entered the field to gather grain behind the harvesters. She happened to be in the portion of land belonging to Boaz, who was from Elimelech’s family. Ruth 2:2-3 HCSB (Emphasis added)

I had never really noticed that phrase before. Since when is there ever a coincidence in a Biblical story? Then I noticed there were some verses cross-referenced win the phrase “she happened to be”, so I looked them up. Here is what I found:

“The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord” Proverbs 16:33 HCSB

“A man’s steps are determined by the Lord, so how can anyone understand his own way?” Proverbs 20:24 HCSB

That’s when it hit me. Nothing is a coincidence. If you know the end of the story, Ruth ends up marrying Boaz and they are part of the lineage that leads up to King David and eventually to Jesus. God knew exactly what the outcome was going to be. However, he did not prevent Ruth from going through hard things to get there. It had to be devastating to lose a husband. It had to be incredibly hard to live in such poverty that you have to go, essentially beg, and gather grain behind harvesters. But, God redeemed all of it. He gave her the strength to endure the hard, on the way to the blessing.

If you are in that place right now, take heart. If you feel like you cannot endure another thing, remember that “a man’s steps are determined by the Lord” and He has a plan to get you through whatever you are going through. Who knows, maybe your breakthrough will be found in the midst of the exact pain you are in, just like it was for Ruth.

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 HCSB

Grafted

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Oreo and little orphan Buck

If this image looks a little strange to you, it’s because it is. We raise a breed of goats that are called Boer (they are the ones with white bodies and red heads typically). However, we also have a handful of Lamancha dairy goats that we inherited with some of the Boers that we purchased a few years ago. Lamanchas are an interesting breed of goat because they are some of the most gentle, even tempered goats you will ever meet. The drawback is that they are ugly as sin because they have no ears and they are not really a market animal (which is what we are in the business for). Well, this particular black and white Lamancha, Oreo, is such a sweetheart. Unfortunately, she had a hard time giving birth to her very first baby last weekend and ended up delivering a stillborn, that my husband had to help pull. Rather than her finding out that her kid didn’t make it, I quickly grabbed my little bottle baby, Buck, so that we could try to graft him onto her.

Little Buck couldn’t even stand up for over a week after he was born

Let me give you a little back story. Buck was born a little over a month ago and was the runt of a set of triplets. He was not able to stand up and his mother really didn’t tend to him. After trying throughout the day, unsuccessfully, to get her to tend to him and get him to stand up, we finally decided to get him inside and get him warmed up and fed. Since that time he has been my little bottle baby. He lived in a small water trough inside our house for about 3 weeks so that I could feed him (forcefully to begin with) and treat a nasty eye infection. Over time he healed and started standing, walking, running, and finally got well enough that we couldn’t even keep him in his little makeshift pen because he would just jump out. So we moved him to a little pen out in the barn with the other goats.

Buck in his new home in the barn when we moved him out of the house

My goal has always been to get him a real goat mom, but I was unsuccessful trying to get his actual mom to take him back. Goats are funny about that. Once they abandon a kid, they will not take them back. So I went along just feeding him several times a day. That all changed a week ago when I finally had a mom that needed a baby.

It has taken the full week but the picture at the top was the very first time she was letting him nurse without me having to be in there with her. It is an amazing feeling (even if it is a goat) to see an orphan gain a mom. And that got me to thinking about a few things.

I realized that every single person who calls themselves a Christian is also an orphan that has been grafted into a new family. “But some of these branches from Abraham’s tree—some of the people of Israel—have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God’s special olive tree.” Romans 11:17 NLT

Grafting is an interesting process in the plant world. It is essentially taking part of one plant and putting it with another to make it grow as one. As time goes on in the process, the plant being grafted on (called the cutting or scion) takes on the characteristics of the one it is being grafted too (called the rootstock). Grafting is not a simple, or painless, process. As a matter of fact it involves cutting, bandaging, and a lot of time. This is often done when a plant has rooted poorly, or not all, and would die otherwise.

WOW! Isn’t that an analogy for us? Our process of grafting into the family of God is not necessarily a painless one. Sometimes there are things that need to be cut away and lots of time for healing past wounds. Nonetheless, we are called Sons and Daughters of God. We have been adopted, but we are chosen as heirs to the very kingdom of God. “And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.” Romans 8:17 NLT

Did you catch that last little part? Yes, we are His children, but we are also not immune to suffering on this earth. So, while you go through the pains and frustrations that can come with your own grafting process, I want to encourage you with this: as you heal and are fully grafted, you will also grow closer to the source of life and with that you will also start to take on the characteristics of the rootstock. So no matter what you are going though, push through the pain and remember that you are already grafted and accepted just as you are.

But also remember this: just because you are accepted exactly as you are, that doesn’t mean God is going to leave you that way!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.” Psalm 51:10-12 ESV

Now, More Than Ever

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What a whirlwind the last 12 months has been. If you would have told me this time last year how 2020 would have panned out, I would have laughed at you and probably thought you were crazy. All of us would have, think about it. A global pandemic, toilet paper shortage, economic shutdown, summer of riots, and an election like none of us have ever seen before. And that is just the highlight reel. It is absolutely overwhelming to think about.

As a mom of 3 girls all under 10, it honestly terrifies me thinking about the world they are growing up in. The morality of our nation seems to be fading as quickly as the sun on these winter nights. If I spend too much time thinking about current events and the state of our world, I can find myself falling into fear. However, as Christians, we are not called to live in fear. As a matter of fact, we are told to not be anxious about anything. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 That is so much easier said than done.

We need a lot of help in the area of not being anxious. I know for me personally, it is so hard to simply stay mentally present when I feel the pressures moving in. I start going to the what-if scenarios and fear often takes hold. When that happens, I typically just need to get re-centered. Sometimes that re-centering involves talking things through with my husband, reflecting on how God has brought us through tough situations in the past. Other times I will dig through scripture or talk with church friends about what I am going through. More often than not though, It boils down to me getting back in alignment with God through prayer and getting rid of distractions. That method can be tough. It requires me getting real honest with myself and with God about fears that a “good Christian” shouldn’t have, at least in my naive mind.

What’s funny about the world we live in, is that the very thing we need the most sometimes: undistracted focus on God, is often one of the hardest things for us to do. In a world where we are never more than a few feet from a cell phone, television, or computer, the struggle can be real. It’s way easier to mindlessly scroll through your choice of social media than it is to get real about your relationship with God. Honestly, it’s much easier to post beautiful verses and share sermons on your own social media feed under the guise of “witnessing” than it is to allow those same words and sermons really witness to ourselves.

Ouch.

That hurts a little to think about, but sometimes even Jesus would point out painful things to bring about truth (for example, the woman at the well in John 4). What should really wake some of us Christians up, is that He was always the toughest on the people who claimed to be religious. We are expected to know better. We are held to a little higher standard. I think that is true even in the area of trusting. We are told to not be anxious. When those feelings of anxiety arise, we must push in to discover the root of them and, in turn, put the into God’s hands. When Jesus dealt with the most severe anxiety we get a glimpse into, in the garden prior to His crucifixion, we see Him do that very thing. “Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done.” Matthew 26:42 NLT. He made a choice to trust.

It isn’t a sin to feel fear or anxiety. However, we cannot allow that fear to hinder our God-given calling. We must lean in when, at times, we really just want to give up. Now, more than ever in this uncertain world we live in, we must shut off the distractions and get recalibrated. We have to quit worrying about our Instagram followers, social standing with the “in-crowd”, or if we are keeping up with the Joneses. It’s sad, really, how much effort we, and this definitely includes me, put into things that really don’t last. If we learn nothing else from 2020/2021, I hope that we learn a lesson or two about how much of a house of cards we really live in. Nothing in this life is guaranteed to be easy, but one thing is for sure: we do serve a God who truly does have a good plan for us. We simply need to trust Him.

Don’t Create An Ishmael While You Wait On Your Isaac

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I am an extremely impatient person, as many of you may be.  I remember a particular Christmas as a kid when I actually tiptoed out of my room with a flashlight before dawn just to see what Santa had brought, then went back to bed and pretended to be surprised in the morning when I could finally get up (sorry mom).  I hate having to wait on things, especially if it is something I really want.
Over the years, I have really had to learn how to be patient.  One of the many areas I have had to learn the lesson of patience, has been in my finances.  When I first got married I knew nothing other than simply throwing things on a credit card or loan.  In my first few months of marriage in the process of building a home, my husband and I acquired one of the things many married couples do: debt.  We wound up with the Home Depot Card, Furniture Row Card, and a few other cards and debts.  Of course, we could have saved a little money by buying used, but hey we were married now so we deserved to buy new; regardless of whether we could afford the “things” or not.  Thank goodness, about 9 months after we were married, we wound up going through Financial Peace University (a class that teaches about finances from a Biblical perspective by Dave Ramsey) through our small group at church.  This course opened our eyes to see how important getting and staying out of debt was, and really revolutionized our thought process when it came to money.  We have had to make some tough decisions in order to not go back into the debt we use to live under.  It has not always been easy, but has always been worth it.
If you know the story of Abraham in the Bible, you know that there was a little bit of dysfunction in his life.  God had promised him a son, but time was ticking away and still he had no son.  His wife decided that since she couldn’t have a son that they could “rig it” and he could have a son through her servant Hagar (what wife in her right mind would do that???).  It worked, Hagar became pregnant and had a son she named Ishmael.  However, that was not he son God had promised.  Abraham and Sarah had jumped the gun and ended up with less than God’s best for them. One of my favorite things about this story is the fact that even though Abraham and Sarah had royally messed up (and we still feel the affects of this mess up all these years later, just look at the middle east), God continued to hold up his end of the promise.  The real blessing was Isaac who would be born from Sarah 14 years later. “The Lord kept his word and did for Sarah exactly what he had promised. She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would.” Genesis 21:1-2 NLT.
So many of us create our own Ishmael in the process of waiting on our Isaac.  It is so hard to wait, especially if things look impossible.  Things looked impossible for Abraham.  After all, he was 86 when Ishmael came along and 100 when Isaac finally arrived.  Talk about a long wait!  I honestly don’t blame them for trying their own way to make things happen.  However, had they simply waited and trusted in God, they could have avoided a lot of heartache.
So what is your Ishmael?  Have you entered into a bad relationship simply because you didn’t want to wait on who God has for you?  Or have you gotten yourself into insane amounts of debt because you didn’t want to wait and save up?  Or maybe you tried to force God’s hand on another thing you feel you have been promised and have made a mess of it.  Whatever your Ishmael, remember that God is true to his promises.  He has an Isaac in store if we can simply wait on His timing.

It’s Different For Girls

/ bekoepke / Leave a comment

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It’s been a while since I wrote a more personal blog specifically about my own experiences with motherhood, but after a conversation I had with my husband a while back, I thought it was time.

This particular conversation happened on a date night that, until about the last six months, has been a pretty rare thing. (When you live a ways away from family and have young children, dates are rare luxuries. Fortunately our girls are finally old enough it’s easier to get away for a few hours now). I was explaining to him some of the struggles I have from time to time with feeling lonely in my role as a mom. Now, this loneliness is not because he doesn’t help or isn’t around. Rather, it is more due to the lack of close, intimate, female friendships that I have at this stage of life. I explained that women, especially once we become mothers, have very different life experiences than our male counterparts when it comes to how we relate to each other and even how friendships look. I thought I would share some of the differences I see, in hopes that other mommas out there might find a little relief knowing we are all in this together. As a disclaimer, this is in no means intended to bash on women or children, but rather to explain some of the differences in hopes of shining light in dark areas of our human experience.

Freedom

As a mom, especially when children are very little, we often find ourselves not having freedom to just pick up and do whatever we want. When you have a newborn and are nursing a baby, you can’t be away from the baby (or the pump) for more than a couple of hours at a time. You are tethered to that child and no matter how helpful dad is, it isn’t the same as what you as a mom experience. Even after nursing ends, kids have a special bond with their mom, that can make it difficult to have the freedom to get time to yourself or get time to spend with friends. When my girls were really little I couldn’t do anything, including hauling trash outside, without someone tagging along, or having a meltdown if they couldn’t. I have actually had to sneak out of my own house on occasion when I did have to leave the house without my girls. My husband, on the other hand, can come and go as he pleases without inciting a major meltdown.

It’s different for girls.

Having a night out

My husband is really good about being willing to take care of the girls so that I can do what I need to do. During the conversation I mentioned earlier, he even told me that anytime I need a girls’ night with friends, to go for it. However, I explained to him that the problem isn’t so much the freedom to go as it is having people to go with. At this phase of life we are all either in the same boat of chaotic schedules with kids and it’s impossible to get our schedules to line up, or they don’t have kids and are in a completely different realm of life where needing to be home at a decent time doesn’t yet exist. It’s funny watching all the movies with the moms going on a girls’ night out because I know so few moms that actually ever do that. Especially moms like me who moved into town after all the friendship groups were already created.

It’s different for girls.

Walls

Beyond any logistical issues that may arise with friendships in the throws of motherhood, is probably the most difficult barrier to overcome; the walls that we as females put up, and often tend to live behind. I remember when my husband was coaching football and how all the men formed a brotherhood. They were a tight group that could poke at each other and still be best friends. They were all pretty confident guys who, for the most part, never felt the need to impress anyone. They were real with each other. As a coach’s wife, all of us women were together an awful lot as well. Although I always got along with everyone, the dynamics among the women were completely different.

Women are so much more guarded with each other than men are. It is often so hard to get to know another woman on anything more than surface level without years of relationship to slowly tear down those walls. We also tend to feel a sense of competition among each other. As a coach’s wife I often felt like I was looked at as less than when my husband coached at the junior high level, but was more of the group when he moved up to the high school. I know that it was never intentional, but women can be cruel without ever realizing it. We as women also feel like we need to show only our best selves, which hinders real, authentic relationships. Social media has only amplified that problem over the last 10 years. Women like to hide their flaws, while men often make fun of themselves for their flaws

It’s different for girls.

So what can we do? Honestly, I really don’t have an answer for that. I don’t think there is an easy solution. However, I really want to challenge women like me (and including me) to try to let your guard down a little. I know that so many of us have been wounded by friends in the past when we got too real and vulnerable (myself included). Yet, we will never have an authentic relationship if we ourselves can’t be authentic. Get to know those other mommas! Be vulnerable about your struggles and shortcomings. And, for crying out loud, quit competing and comparing and lets start encouraging each other. Motherhood is the hardest, sweetest, most frustrating, rewarding thing I have ever experienced. Find someone to share your experiences with.

It’s different for girls, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.20190817_210037